That’s right boils and ghouls! Time to buy those painful plastic fangs that make your gums bleed and create a cape from a used bin liner. Its very almost time for Halloween! In fact the only time in Britain where you are less likely to be beaten to a pulp for putting on make up. So to get you in the mood, apart from watching 1,000 most scary moments on Broadway EVER, the keep it fast team have created a playlist for you to Zombie it up!

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1.)  Zombie Girl – Creepy Crawler

(Throw those skin flaps into all sort of satanic shapes as the ghoulish duo deliver a sweat inducing opener)

2.) Lordi - Would You Love A Monsterman?

(Did you just feel that small crunch from the back of you neck? Thats Mr Lordi’s phlegm-filled vocals which have transformed you into a head-banging, guitar wielding god!)

3.) Marilyn Manson- This is Halloween

(An obvious choice you say? Well after hearing the shite-filled Fall Out Boy cover of Disney’s financial saviour of the 90’s, a remedy is called for. In this version Manson gives a nod to Mr Burton but twists it into his own little freakish creation.)

4.) White Zombie – Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks & Cannibal Girls

(Like that final vodka jelly cube kicking in at a end of a Halloween party, the zombie crew lose your mind for a few moments before- BAM!  You’re back in the drunken game with hair swinging action!)

5.) Creature Feature – A Gorey Demise

(If Burton ever heard this he would give two solid thumbs up until they cracked due to the excited strain! One of the best ghoulish themed tracks I have ever heard!)

6.) Soda Scream – The Strange Unexplained Tolls of Idaho

(Amusing yet eerie and disturbing, this piece twiddles along like a fucked up version of the magic roundabout)

7.) Trencher - Hung, Draw Yet Shorter

(Shit your pants just then? This is a real butt-churner that would put the wind up even themselves!)

8.) Liars – Broken Witch

(Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD.)

9.) Tv On The Radio - Wolf Like Me

(Backed by a haunting, atmospheric fuzz, Brooklyn’s TV On The Radio pretty much nail the werewolf/sex metaphor in 4 and a half minutes of exquisite art-rock horror.)

10.) Creedence Clearwater Revival – It Came Out Of The Sky

(Apparently, Stephen King was inspired to write a story based on this little-known CCR track about a farmer who discovers a meteorite that then infects him with a strange plant-like organism.)

So to listen to any of these just click on the names in the player below. Enjoy!

Band – Adebisi Shank
Album – This is an Album of a band called Adebisi Shank
Label – Richter Collective
Release date – 11th September
Sounds like – Thousands of effects pedals being switched on at the same time, then thrown at a drum during a rave. In another dimension. Hundreds of years into the future. By an evil scientist.

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In the far distant future, something catastrophic must have happened to music. Maybe it has been outlawed? Maybe Bono has been given a robotic body and now controls the airwaves, with ‘Beautiful Day‘ being piped into people’s brains every morning to wake them up so they can all dance around the Joshua Tree and pray for 6 more weeks of good harvest? I don’t know. It’s certainly one explanation as to why Adebisi Shank are here. Obviously, they have been sent from the future to save our planet from whatever grisly fate awaits our airwaves. I’m guessing the same group that sent them through also sent Jas ‘Babylon Zoo‘ Mann who did pretty well, but ultimately disappeared to the realms of one hit wonder after the bat-shit insane ‘Spaceman‘ single.

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What I’m trying to say (in the most convoluted way possible) is that (to these feeble ears,) Adebisi Shank are years ahead of us. They have a sound that annihilates the music of nearly every other band I’ve heard over the course of this year.

Describing Adebisi Shank is a tricky one: You know Battles? Imagine them, but without the shitty high-pitched vocals that sound like E.T. rapping through a casio keyboard.  You know Don Caballero? Imagine them, but actually playing together as opposed to a confused mash-up of drums and guitars that don’t really fit (oh, and faster.) Combine these, along with the grinding baritone wail of That Fucking Tank and you’re about halfway towards the sound this Irish 3-piece make.

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The immediate start of ‘You Me‘ comes across as somewhat of a shock; all gnarly rasping bass, screeching guitar and rampant drumming. What then follows is a robotic bleat of the track’s title and the effect-laden squeal from the guitarist’s instrument, before crashing into another round of pulverising rock ‘n roll. It’s only tempered at the halfway stage, as the drum roll heralds a calming, almost atmospheric passage, before allowing the bass (which grows louder every second) to punctuate through, erupting into yet another blast of schizophrenic sound.

‘DODR‘ gives me the kind of heady rush that only 8 hours on a rollercoaster could provide. It twists and turns with such an unpredictable strength, it’s a bit like the lottery but in a musical form. I think what I love most about this track, is how at the 2 minute mark, it all seems to slow, except for the bass, which continues to persistantly chip away. Suddenly it crunches into a monstrous slab of turbulent instrumental punk rock, that cuts off far too suddenly – desperately leaving me wanting more.

The 3rd track, ‘Colin Skehan‘ is the kind of song At The Drive-In would probably kill their own mothers to play (if they were still together that is.) It hammers away with the same vicious and energetic pulse the El Paso 5 piece had and makes me want to interpret the fitful and vigorous moves of Cedric Bixler in that legendary Jools Holland performance.

The robotic vocals return on the 4th track, ‘Shunk‘ although all I can make out is the words “get up” and I don’t even think that’s correct. At some points it sounds like the guitarist is rolling over all his effects pedals, whilst howling into a broken microphone, fed through a stylophone, whilst the other two band members continue thrashing their instruments to near destruction.

The next track I can’t even begin to describe, but shall I shall endeavour to. It starts off fairly typical for the ‘Shank, incredible beat, jazzy, meandering guitar and bass lines and a suitably fast-paced section that again, slows down to some simple, almost delicate strumming. Then it all goes completely owl-wax city. It’s like someone spliced together a segment from a club anthem and remixed it with the most unstable and mesmerising riffs ever. The drumming is completely out of this world and cannot be praised enough. It throbs, pulsates and rages like someone playing a Ministry of Sound album in an explosion on board a spaceship. I’m now collapsed in a heap trying to type this, after throwing myself around my room like an angrier version of Chev Chelios. I doubt anyone would be able to stay still whilst listening to ‘Minirockers‘, it’s a revolution of sound; splicing heady club-inspired beats and angular art-punk.

Those feeling that the quality is sure to drop couldn’t be more wrong. ‘Agassi Shank‘ carves out deep furrows of agitated glitch-rock, still infused with this seemingly relentless force. How do they do it? Not even track 7,  the excellently titled  ‘I answer to Doc‘  offer any respite, simply continues this lesson in how Adebisi Shank are playing probably the most elaborate and remarkable music you’ve ever heard.

It closes with the handclap-covered riffs of ‘Snakehips‘, which races along with unlimited tightness and precision. The breakdown at the end is a churning, frothy sea of high-pitched guitar whines, metallic drum beats and distorted bass. A fitting end to what has been one hell of a ride.

Not once are you given chance to breathe. Adebisi Shank grabs you by the collar and tosses you into the air, relentlessly pummelling you all the way down with their persistent, unstoppable musical barrage. A superb, enthralling piece of work by 3 incredibly talented musicians and one album that I urge, no, demand you all to experience. The future of rock music? I think so. Also, any band that advises you to draw all over their album cover/sleeve due to it all being designed to look like the inside of a blank maths book gets my vote.

P.s. the band are touring at the moment and will be on our fair shores in October. I strongly urge you to check out their live set, which will no doubt be brilliant. Bring your dancing shoes for ‘Minirockers.’

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Sounds

To listen to ‘You Me‘ by Adebisi Shank, click on the player below. In the words of Speedo, “Crank it, don’t spank it.”

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Links

Adebisi Shank Myspace
Richter Collective

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By Ross Macdonald

Sundays…. The day of rest… A day for the British ladies to sit back with a slim glass of Pimms topped to the brim with chunks of bloated fruits while the men play a well earned game of Cricket.. Or for two of us at keep it fast, a day to invent a Noise Band!

Our mission is to combined all the components of a budget Noise band recording session and make a set of tracks in a afternoon!

The equipment:

~ Vantage (CHEAP) guitar, with 4 functioning out of tune strings
~ Yamaha 4 pad electric drums brought 5 years ago with a chunk of student loan (a worthy buy!)
~ Mono Dictaphone for that rich quality
~ 2 (yes 2) stylophones!
~ 2 laptops, just for the fine tuning heh heh

So, we sat to think “how does Lightning Bolt come up with complex, distorted whip-lash tracks… Do they just say 1,2,3 and start bashing? Naaaah there is more thought put into it”

So with that thought in mind we pressed the record button and bashed away! 2 hours passed as we both moved from instrument to shouting and managed to have about 12 tracks!!! ranging from 20 seconds to 5 minutes… Some sounding bad.. Some not even listenable!

Now it was just a matter of mashing the tracks into some simple editing software and between us we edited 3 ready for you to listen! Plus we may of added a couple of effects…. Ok a lot!

So below is our band created in a Sunday afternoon – Hyperdrive Lizard – Enjoy!

Band: Down I Go
Album: Tyrant
Label: Undergroove
Release: Now!
Sounds Like: George W. Bush sneaking into the White House, Ceaucscu demolishing buildings, Pol Pot filling mass graves, Idi Amin dismembering his wife, Ivan the Terrible killing indescriminately.

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What’s bugging me at the moment is the fact that this album and this band will no doubt be overlooked, which is a crying shame. Since their inception, the London-based 4 piece known as Down I Go have been on a wild ride, from self-releasing a concept album about Dinosaurs; to their first proper release ‘This is Disastercore’ (also, a concept record about 13 of the most horrific accidents in the world.) They then self-released the mini CD-EP ‘This is Robotcore’ – 5 minutes of frantic, juddering noise-rock, before collecting themselves for their next album, 2008’s ‘Tyrant.’

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In many respects, ‘Tyrant’ is the iceberg that will sink any other band’s quest to make my ‘top album spot’ at the end of the year; simple as that. What we have here is 12 tightly packed bottles of potent rage, ready and waiting to explode with the force of several thousand history books fitted with several tons of gelignite. ‘Tomas de Torquemada’ (the first Inquisitor General of Spain) already raises the bar way into the stratosphere with its volcanic energy. The meandering riffs and sporadic beats bring to mind the work of Botch, but even more relentless and guttural, whilst the string section adds a new dynamic to their sound, strengthening the melodic parts (the very few that exist!) like the wheels on a torture rack.

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Grain-quaffing, land confiscating, murdering, Russian nutjob ‘Joseph Stalin’ is next. Sounding more like a distorted space invader theme, this track morphs into one dangerous blast of metal, complete with the wondrous chant of “GLORY TO STALIN THE GREAT!” which I find myself shouting at passers-by nowadays. No wonder people cross the street. Possibly one of the slowest, but sludgiest sounding tracks, ‘Stalin’ pulverises the listener with its starving hands, drowning the listener in feedback like rivers of blood.

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Not even the Romanian leader, Nicolas Ceaucesu is safe; and quite rightly so, the bread-stealing, house-demolishing shithead. On ‘Ceasucesu’, drummer Ben Standage adds his melodic, but gravely tone to the vocal proceedings, which compliment vocalist Pete Fraser’s staccato range. Possibly the most catchy song about bread-shortages ever and some lovely gnarly feedback courtesy of guitarist Alan Booth.

The finest moment however, appears in the form of ‘Saparmurat Niyazov’, and ode to the leader of Turkmenistan; a man who had an ice palace constructed near the capital, banned dogs/beards/ballet and had a huge gold rotating statue of himself created that always faces the sun. Bonkers? Just a bit. A well known fan favourite, it truly shows Down I Go’s potential as one of the best heavy rock/metal bands the UK has ever produced. The steady, rumbling build up that eventually erupts in the gang-chant climax of “TURKMENBASHI! FATHER OF THE TURKMEN!” is unsinkable.

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The sinister tones of Marek Bereza’s bass, herald the start of ‘King Leopold II,’ possibly one of the darkest, and sinister sounding tracks on ‘Tyrant.’ Pete and Ben’s vocals overlap to create a sinister droning monotone, backed by a throat-burning roar. In addition, the harmonies involved in the lyrics, ‘brutal torture, not your fault’ seem somewhat unsettling.
Those looking for more riffs than they can handle, would do well to listen to ‘Henry VIII’ (he was a shit) at full blast. It’s a track that lurches around just like the wife hording, excommunicating, arm-flailing, fat bastard. The use of trumpets on the breakdown is a nice touch, adding even more body to the track as the lyrics ‘birth burdens your rule!’ are shouted like a drunken football chant, despite them actually referring to Henry’s failure to acquire a suitable male heir.

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‘Idi Amin’ sees Down I Go rattle through 2 odd minutes of ‘difference of opinion’ style wordplay, by celebrating Amin as a glorious president, before slamming him for his irrational, brutal, racial and diabolical behaviour, backed up by some extremely techincal, glitch-heavy metal and some lovely ‘ooooaaahhh‘ backing vocals. Possibly the greatest bit about this track is the jam-session style jazz outro, that detracts from the harsh tones of the song in such a way, yet still feels part of the overall concept. Marvellous.

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The closing track ‘Ivan The Terrible‘ uses the subtle but gorgeous string section that has backed most of this album to full effect in the closing 2 minutes. It’s quite an unexpected change, as the crushing heaviness of Down I Go’s sound is suddenly replaced with the soft tones of the violin, viola and cello; only to return at a calmer, but stronger pace, culminating in one of the best closing tracks I’ve ever heard.

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Despite it’s modest running length of just over 30 minutes, Down I Go take you on a long and breathless ride. ‘Tyrant’ is certainly their most accomplished work to date and sets an almost impossible standard for the next wave of British metal and hardcore bands to topple. Lyrically, it’s a crash course in tyranny condensed into 12 rabid slabs of ferocious energy and erratically brutal musicianship. Oh yeah, just so you know – album of the fucking year.

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Sounds

Click here to listen to ‘Saparmurat Niyazov‘ from ‘Tyrant.’ Oh yeah, learn to ice skate!

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Links

Down I Go
Myspace I Go
Remember This Day Forever
Undergroove Records

Words – Ross Macdonald

Since Essex duo Kunt and the Gang were introduced at Christmas by Keep It Fast everybody has has being reading about them! As you will see from our ‘most popular’ list they have even beaten interviews by Ex super band Some Girls and Electro-Industrial duo Angelspit! How is this possible some of you may ask?

It looks like over the last couple of years they have penetrated the minds of all under 30’s with their sexellent tales of multi-way wankage, obsessive thoughts of ‘front bottoms’ and of course a true milf ‘ballad’ to Carol Vorderman.

So as Kunt and the Gang release their third album ”one last wank and one last cry” which is the final to the wank/cry trilogy, we ask them a selection of intimate questions:

What can we look forward to if we slip in this new album into our players?

You can look forward to such a barrage of filth that you’ll feel the urge to run a flannel over your knackers when you’ve finished. I think this album has some of our best songs yet, “Men with beards (what are they hiding?)” is already becoming a firm favourite at gigs, and “I’m gonna lick you out” seems to be making ladies moist.

Has there being any pressure/conflict between you and Little Kunt in the making of this new album? If so dare we ask?

He’s been pressing me for more of an input, so I humoured him by letting him sing a couple of duets. He was off his face on crack most of the time so you didn’t know whether he’d be turning up at the studio waving a Swiss army knife around or crashed out at home with a pantful of runny big jobs.

Where do you get your inspiration from to make these masterpieces?

It stems from having a lot of time on your hands, which invariably turns into having your cock in your hand. I thought I would have run out of ideas by now but the more you tour, the more people that come up and tell you about the time they shit themselves and you think, oooh that’s gonna make a good song!

Has the lovely Carol Vorderman ever left feedback on the track you made about your feelings for her?

I was sure when I wrote the song that she would hear it, feel the love and it would end up in me inserting my manhood into her frontbottom. Unfortunately that still has yet to happen, but also I haven’t heard anything from her lawyers which makes me think maybe she hasn’t heard it yet.

If you could of had any guest vocals on the new album, who would they be?

It would have to be some female pop star I was trying to get my end away with, so we’d end up stuck in a booth together and I could barricade the door and do a Joseph Fritzel. So to rephrase the question: ‘Which female popstars would you like to take hostage and systematically abuse over a period of several years?’… It would probably have to be any of Girls Aloud apart from the wafty ginger one, Belinda Carlisle, her out of Altered Images, Billie Piper, Rihanna, Beyonce, Nina from the Cardigans, Kim Wilde circa 1981, Avril Lavigne (as long as she didn’t bring any of her fucking dreadful records) or Shakira.

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There we go! That explains it all then! Below is the fantastic track ‘men with beards (what are they hiding?) from their new album:

Links

Kunt and the Gang myspace

Official site

Band – BATS
EP – Cruel Sea Scientist
Release Date – now (purchase through their website)
Label – Armed Ambitions
Sounds Like – ‘STAB’ spelt backwards.

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BATS could well be Ireland’s best kept secret. I’ll wager that hardly anyone knows anything about them and are more familiar with Australia’s The Bats. Anyway, I first discovered BATS at a gig, supporting the infallible Down I Go. I was blown away. They were an intense rush of pure adrenalin-fuelled snappy-punk rock that I couldn’t help but fall in love with. After downloading and listening to the demos on their myspace, I finally got hold of their EP “Cruel Sea Scientist‘ which I’m going to talk about in the next few paragraphs.

More bands need to write songs as snappy as opener “Death To Kent Hovind‘ – heck, it should be made compulsory. Despite only clocking in at 1.36, this aggressive attack on the American Young Earth creationist does its job in portraying the incredibly black humour BATS convey in their music. “FUCK YOU KENT!” Bats cry, before intoning the ominous chant of “AND BATS WILL DESTROY YOU!” (I sometimes find myself muttering this under my breath, particularly towards anyone that has wronged me, so y’know, watch out.) This is all backed up by the suitably ‘portent-of-doom’ grinding riffs, which only heightens the glorious loathing the song conveys.

After this, BATS take us on a journey involving the discovery of egg caches, the sinking of a ferry as well as mating sea anemones. “These Ones Lay Eggs‘ falls somewhere between the punk rock sensibilities of Trail Of Dead and the stop-start time change of previously mentioned touring pals, Down I Go. What BATS do best though, is the combination of this fiercely abrasive rock with some wonderful melodies that weave between the polar opposites of pop and metal, whilst their gravel-voiced vocalist fires off hoarse screams about making ‘compound yoke’ and other gruesome discoveries.

There are so many things to love about this EP; the truly fantastic art work is one, the quotes referencing the discovery of sea monsters is another, but it’s the songs and how beautifully constructed and rich they sound. Take the outro riffs on “Husband & Wife‘ – they’re played with such dexterity and conviction, emphasising the heart and soul the band have poured into this short body of work.

Although I’m not entirely sure of the band’s influences, I feel that Seattle’s Blood Brothers are responsible in some way. The aforementioned “Husband & Wife‘ is a prime example, containing the same dissonance in sound and furious post-punk tendencies as does the trippy and tortuous stomp of “Atom & Eve.’

Those of you sick to the back teeth of “indie-dance-pop’ bands and want some relief in the form of the darker side of post-punk rock, then check out BATS for a healthy serving of eggs and sea creatures. A cracking release from a promising and quite brilliant 5 piece that actually make me excited about new music.

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Links

BATS official site
BATS myspace
Armed Ambitions

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By Ross Macdonald

Band – Atmosphere
Album – Strictly Leakage
Release – December 2007 (or whenever you decide to download it!)
Sounds like – image the ‘Twist and Shout’ scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, crossed with something from ‘You Got Served.’ Yeah, that. (Actually, that sounds really wrong.)

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For me, Atmosphere have always come across as a very morose and pessimistic act. Beneath their layers of sampled beats, tripped-out keyboard loops and confrontational attitude exists a wholly negative attitude that stems from the deeply personal lyrics of vocalist Slug (Sean Daley.) Emo-rap? Nope; Atmosphere speak about more conscious and social issues through their music – sure, they reference the fairer sex quite frequently, but they take into account other issues such as religion, war and politics (even though these influences may not be that clear to begin with, they still exist.)

“Strictly Leakage‘ is a free-self release by the band for their fans to help them blow away the winter “doldrums‘ (their exact words) with the emphasis on making a record that is more party-orientated, and one that shies away slightly from their original sound. However, it still maintains heavy doses of sarcasm and bitterness, but at a more subtle level.

On ‘Little Math You‘ Slug exposes my lack of hip hop knowledge almost immediately, stating quite plainly, “they no nothing about hip hop, suburban fucks…” (cheers dude) – although it soon becomes clear that the listener isn’t the one being berrated, but a young chap named Matthew (geddit?) who Slug builds up as some big rap star, before tearing the poor kid down with quick-fire lyrical diatribe.

‘Things That Hate Us‘ references alcoholism immediately with the line “this is for those who drink malt liquor, put the poison in your body just to pass out quicker,” before launching into a tirade about the heart-attack capabilities of McScummo’s foods, unprotected sex, using dirty needles – you name it…if it’s evil and corrupt, Atmosphere pretty much have it covered in about 2 minutes and 55 seconds.
‘Get It To Get Her‘ draws elements of old-school funk, complete with the looped brass backing and sporadic bass notes that intertwine well with Slug’s quick fire rap, giving the whole thing a kind of mutated Red Hot Chilli Peppers (no, come back!!!!!!!) meets Spank Rock. Sort of. Ah, fuck it I don’t know; it just sounds damn good, ok??

‘Domestic Dog‘ talks about picking up women at supermarkets as opposed to at bars, with both the title and lyrical content drawing away from Atmosphere’s social commentary vibe – opting for a more ‘comedy’ soundtrack, which unfortunately, falls slightly flat – but the Goldie Lookin’ Chain fans will love it.

Those of you that crave mad ’scratchin’ skillz’ will fall in love with the first minute of ‘The Old Style‘, which destroys all the weak-ass DJ moves as featured in “every nu-metal band from 2001″ in one foul Monty Python sized foot.

Closing track ‘Roads to Ritches‘ strongly reminds me of punk/rap crossover supergroup Transplants (not in vocals, thank god but in instrumentation) right down to the over-used piano loops, gangland ‘whooohhooaaaas’ in the background and the deliciously infectious drumbeat (once again, DJ Plain Bill provides some epic scratch work, nice!)

All in all, this is a competent release from the duo, that shows off their relentless music creating nature, (Atmosphere must be one of the most prolific hip hop artists; except for 2Pac who, has still released more records than anyone else in the world – proving that not even death can stop the party) as well as their ability to pen really strong tracks and excellent beats. Recommended listening, plus it’s free so there’s no real excuse, unless you hate this genre.

Sounds

Listen to ‘The Things That Hate Us‘ on the player below!

Links

Atmosphere
Rhymesayers
Album Download

I’ll keep this brief, as I’m known to prattle on a bit. It’s been an interesting year for music. Utterly amazing in places, steaming piles of festering cow shit in others. I think it’s like that every year though, swings and roundabouts, eh? Anyway, here are our highlights (a lot of them) and my low points (not so much) of 2007 in the musical world. Enjoy…

Top 5 Albums of 2007

5. Hopesfall -Magnetic North (Trustkill Records)

Their best work to date – Hopesfall pull out the stops with their anvil-heavy choruses and off-kilter space rock posturing. A powerful and surprising return.

4. *shels – Laurentian’s Atoll (shellsmusic)

Catastrophic noise-rock, melded with flashes of instrumental mind-twisting debauchery and throat-shredding screams from ex-Mahumodo vocalist Mendhi – incredible.

3. – Dillinger-escape-plan – Ire Works (Relapse)

Technical jazz metal, with glitchy electro breaks and haunting atmospherics, whilst vocalist Greg Puciato does his best to sound like a rabid dog. It will tear your face off. (Review)

2. Future of the Left – Curses! (Too Pure)

Dirty bass-filled punk rock meets intelligent and highly witty lyrical content. With Andy Falkous’s withering sarcasm strewn throughout, ‘Curses’ was a surprising delight for the die-hard Mclusky fan I have resting inside me. (Review)

1. Jetplane Landing – Backlash Cop (Smalltown America)

Fugazi-esque rock with elements of rap, electronica and punk, as well as references to 60’s black arts movement, Dizzy Gillespie and Les Savy Fav, the Irish 4 piece return in blistering form. (Review)

(Notable praise towards the following bands and the albums they released this year: Baroness, Pig Destroyer, Les Savy Fav, Cutting Pink With Knives, Yakuza, Gay For Johnny Depp.)
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Top 6 Gigs of 2007 (yes so good there is a 6!)

6. The Blood Brothers- ULU (3rd July)

Fuzzy sound quality in places, but the energy the Seattle 5 piece had was incredible. Moreover, they played ‘The Shame’ – says it all really. Epic. Also, the fact that we met Johnny at the end added points before we were crashed by screaming girls… (Review)

5. Angelspit – electrowerkz (17th October)

Throwing shapes with glow sticks like my life depended on it with Australians cyber punks finest! Never have I enjoyed such a repetitive dance thump in the back of my mind! Extra points for pure theremin talent but again poor sound quality at some parts. (Review)

4. Polysics – The Spitz (12th June)

One of the hottest and most tiring gigs I have ever been to. Chaotic synth punk/j-pop from Japan’s Polysics meant I couldn’t stop grinning for weeks. A cover of ‘My Sharona’ was a true hit that practically melted the venue to a pulp due to the frantic dancing from everyone! (Review)

3. Down I Go – Every time I’ve seen them.

The UK’s only Dinocore/Disastercore/Robotcore and now Tyrantcore mob are an exciting, vicious and stupidly entertaining live act. Onstage banter, history lessons, dinosaur advice and songs about Turkmenbashi cannot be beaten. (Review)

2. The Bronx – Astoria (Kerrang! Tour 27th January)

The Bronx remain to this day, one of the loudest punk bands I have ever seen. Matt Caughthran is a born entertainer; even a supposed broken ankle didn’t stop him jumping in the pit during ‘They Will Kill Us All.’ Brutal.

1. Brand New – Hammersmith Apollo (13th February)

The most emotional gig I’ve ever been to. Brand New pulled at my heart strings for over 2 hours and the sight of everyone singing along around me made it the perfect gig experience. Gig of the year, no question.

(Notable live highlights include: Rolo Tomassi, Cutting Pink With Knives, An Emergency, Meet Me In St. Louis, Tim Ten Yen, Adebisi Shank, A Scholar and A Physician, nervous_testpilot, MC Lars, The Locust.)

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Top 5 accounts that made us smile

5. The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster crawling from the ashes with a new ep

Just as you were thinking the only way you was going to get any kind of similar ‘b-line’ material was from The Horrors (am I actually saying this?) the 5 piece Psychosis Rock band unhinge their ghoulish tunes in a form of a breath taking EP ‘in the garden’. With 4 new studio tracks and a “Live In The Arena Of The Unwell” cd (including 9 of the 10 tracks not on a shop cd before) it shows that the Brighton band are not buried yet.

4. Rocket from the Crypt bringing a bundle of plastic joy!

Not only is the Californian deceased band (*sniff*) finally releasing a dvd/cd pack of all the tracks they played on their last gig, BUT they are releasing another all systems go!!!! How can these guys keep finding b-sides?!?! This way we can pretend that they are still going!

3. Truckfest Disco Shed

Dancing to ‘Young Folks’ by Peter, Bjorn and John, whilst trying not to drop my warm can of lager and trying to request motown/indie anthems was a particular highlight of my only festival experience this year. A classic night.

2. ArnoCorps returning to the UK

GOOOO!!!!!!!! Hardcore action-adventure rock-n-rollers, ArnoCorps (pronounced ‘Arnocore’) have promised to return to our delightful country for a summer tour in 2008! What are you waiting for? Get watching Predator/Running Man/Terminator etc., put on that camo-warpaint and prepare to be a goddamn hero!

1. Speedo returning!!!!!

This is in fact the ground breaking news for the world this year! After watching him perform in London’s last ever Hot Snakes performance it was a true milestone. Not only has his endless tracks from a number of bands been a real benchmark for our generation but live he sounded even better! Keep it fast were lucky enough to speak to him on two occasions, but when asked about the future of RFTC he didn’t want to say a lot. This doesn’t matter now as he is back with a new album in March and talk of a tour! rather then repeating ourselves why not click on these links (here and here) for further details!

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Low point news – Not going to describe these as the title says it all:

The Locust team have their van broken into, with all their gear, passwords, computers etc taken .

Fopp suddenly shuts downs all over Britain.

Some Girls are laid to rest.

Blood Brothers call it a day after 10 years.

Meet Me In St. Louis part ways with vocalist Toby.

Fickle Public split after only 1 album.

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Stay tuned for my tips for 2008: some surprises guaranteed!

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By Ross Macdonald and Jason Kahl

As I belly flop onto my settee like it was my early coffin from all the drink I have consumed over the weekend in Leeds, I slowly reach to my controller to flick the tv on and be confronted with the coca cola advert with the red trucks… This could only mean one thing.. I have either died happy and gone into a land of tv adverts I liked as a kid, or it is that time of year again.. CHRISTMAS!!

Along with the mass amount of booze and salty lardy grub we stuff down our throats, we also get a nice chance to watch some master pieces such as Jurassic Park and Jingle all the way! Then there are all the tunes.. So many revamps of old classics covered by such shite as boyzone, it makes you want to throw up your turkey. But there is hope! No no not Cliff Richard, the Essex duo, Kunt and the Gang.

Kunt is now holding the electronic pop touch such as other Essex legends Depeche Mode and Yazoo have done in the past.

Since the band released their debut album ‘I Have A Little Wank And I Have A Little Cry’ in 2005 on indie label Disco Minge Records, they have been on the road ever since showing that no place is too big or small. From pubs to clubs and even supporting scum such as babyshambles, they really will do anything.

The band are well known for their risque lyrical content, dealing with many taboo subjects including masturbation and their fantasy to engage in sexual intercourse with Carol Vorderman, co-host of Channel 4’s Countdown programme.

But in front of all of that they have just released a Christmas cd!

It is a 4 track festive treat that Santa will be emptying his Christmas sack over!

The track names are as follows:
All I want for Christmas is you (to bring me off)
Santa’s sack
This Christmas
Come on Cliff, admit you’re queer

By going onto the official website you can buy the cd, with a personal signing for £2!! How grand is that? Well to temped you even more you can have a listen to the first track All I want for Christmas is you (to bring me off). Enjoy!

We have also interviewed Kunt and the Gang which you can read by clicking here!

Band – Gay For Johnny Depp
Album – The Politics Of Cruelty
Label – Captains of Industry
Release date – November 2007
Sounds like – 4 guys obsessed with some actor who likes to dress as a pirate.

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Apparently, no American label will put out Gay For Johnny Depp’s debut, ‘The Politics of Cruelty.’ Even though they like the band’s music, their very name has put the money-grabbing macho-bastards on hold in investing in the band – what a load of complete cockbags. Oh well, their loss really; thank god Captains of Industry don’t give two fucks about the groups camp-sounding moniker.

After hearing their second ep, ‘Blood: The Natural Lubricant‘ I thought “ok, maybe GFJD will have mellowed a bit, you know, changed direction, maybe made way for a bit more experimentation (hopefully not prog)” Well, I was about as wrong as a big sign that says ‘WRONG’ in bright red flashling 3D letters, which launches explosive barrels of fire that spell out ‘INCORRECT SUCKA!‘ for the whole world to see.

The wondefully titled ‘Cumpassion‘ opens proceedings and already you can feel the razor-like slice of Marty Leppard’s voice, as he cuts deep wounds in your ear canal with his almost sandpaper-meets-broken glass rasp. “Oh compassion, it’s just my passion all over your face” he hollers. Hmm….nice. Guitarist Sid Jagger manages to distort his instrument beyond the recommended safe-listening barrier, creating a slavo of screeching riffs to accompany Fabrizio Coxboi’s rumbling bass and JJ Samanen’s incongruous drumming.

‘You Have A Theory, I Have A Gun‘ is a blantant anti-war song, indicating the futility of the war effort and the pointless waste of human life. It’s all summed up in the 5th line, with vocalist Leppard screeching “when you go, you’ll never come back, never come back…”

‘Lights Out‘ follows this with it’s jagged rock meets bizarre pop stance, as Leppard tries (and fails) to refrain from sounding like he’s rubbed a cheese grater on his voice box. This brings me to a point about the vocals, which are really unsettling. It sounds a bit like the girl from the exorcist chewing on a mouthful of wasps, whilst now-defunct noise terrors, Chariots play at twice their normal speed through a battered microphone.

I won’t go through it all, but as you can expect the rest of this ‘blink-and-you’ll-miss-it’ album features more of the same. The instrumentation is a relentless, caustic attack on the mind; it actually blurs boundaries between the genres of punk rock and noise rock in such a savage way. The lyrics, as you can guess reference that man who played the wimpy Ichabod Crane, as well as heaps of sexual inneundo and implications of fornication with the actor. ‘Very Little Happens Between 3 and 4 In The Morning’ is a good example of the band’s brilliant homoerotic lyrical content (and one in which they ‘out’ a certain member of KISS!)

By the time the warped and slightly perplexing closing track, ‘I hate our Freedom (Fuck You, Gladys, I’m on Vacation)‘ finishes you’re left feeling completed drained, sweaty, horribly violated and wondering what the hell has just happened.

Overall thoughts? It’s not as immediate as the ‘Blood: The Natural Lubricant‘ EP and some of the tracks lack the addictive quality of their older songs, but this is probably down to plain old unfamiliarity with new material that will soon wear off with repeated listens (although I’m still unsure about the ‘filler tracks’ which seem slightly pointless.) To avoid any pointless fence sitting, I’ll say this: I like ‘The Politics of Cruelty‘, it’s a great album, full of intense, abrasive, psychotic songs that well and truly mess with your mind and make you doubt your own sanity. Recommended to fans of The Locust, The Blood Brothers and Tim Burton films. I’m off now to listen to something a bit more manly – got any Queen?

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Sounds

To listen to ‘Lights Out!’ by Gay For Johnny Depp, click on the player below.

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Links

Gay For Johnny Depp
Gay for Myspace
Label