Some of you may remember this feature on weird cover songs from July (back when it was sunny, probably) and I didn’t have to wear 6 layers in order to stop my blood from freezing. It got me thinking; I should really start creating the concluding parts to these posts otherwise KIF will become a graveyard of unfinished features, when really I want each one to have a slightly inferior (or in the case of Aliens) superior follow-up post.

Due to the fact Christmas is just round the corner, here are some suitably festive cover songs/possible originals for you to enjoy, because let’s face it, I think we can do without The Pogues or Noddy ‘Worzel Gummidge with a guitar‘ Holder for one year, yeah?

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Peter Wright – ‘White Christmas‘ 

Taken from a 3″ mini CD I was given at a Down I Go gig last year, Vessels guitarist Peter Wright does his best ‘depressed drunken uncle at a karaoke bar’ impression to Irvin Berlin’s classic festive hit. In some places he sounds more like Noel Coward eating toffee and sax solo at the 1.30 mark is a sobering icy slap in the face.

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Run DMC – ‘Christmas In Hollis‘

As featured on the best Christmas movie ever – i.e. Die Hard; DJ Run, D.M.C. and Jam-Master Jay splice their funky, off-kilter rap beat with the season of goodwill. The first verse details how Run finds Santa’s wallet – apparently he’s minted, whilst D.M.C busts some fresh poetry involving preparation for the big day. Aww. “The rhymes you hear are the rhymes of Darryl’s, Each and every year we bust Christmas carols!” Indeed.

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The Reverend Horton Heat – ‘Jingle Bells‘

Surf rock and Christmas – odd bedfellows? Try telling that to Reverend Horton Heat. Although it sounds like the kind of tune soundtracking some straight to dvd film entitled ‘Surfing Santa Goes To Hawaii’, there’s no denying that this song about types of tree decoration has been dragged kicking and screaming into the world of sunny, psychobilly rock ‘n roll. A modern day Surfaris if you like.

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Cousin Wizardface – ‘In My Room Of Requirement (It’s Always Christmas!)‘

Possibly the strangest Christmas song ever. If you can get over the ear-bleeding, extremely shrill singing voice and the overall smothering twee-ness of practically everything about it (especially the lyrics), then this insane, but unique treat from ‘wacky’ sock-puppet misfits, Uncle Monsterface (under a pseudonym because it was on a christmas album) could be for you. Perfect wizard rock to bring in the New Year whilst you get suitably intoxicated on butterbeer.

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The Muppets – ‘It Feels Like Christmas’

Presenting, on lead vocals….The Ghost of Christmas Present! Definitely the best spirit. The little pixie one was annoying and the other one shopped at the same stores as the Grim Reaper – no originality. I nearly didn’t include this for the soppiness factor in brings, but it’s such an uplifting song from what I consider the best Muppets film. Apparently Michael Caine is a big fan of this one.

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Sounds!

Click on the player below to enjoy the above Christmas tunes!

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That should keep you entertained for about 10 minutes. From everyone on the Keep It Fast team (including Mad Mac), I wish all our readers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! You can go stuff your gob with mince pies now. Go on, hop it.

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By Ross Macdonald

That’s right boils and ghouls! Time to buy those painful plastic fangs that make your gums bleed and create a cape from a used bin liner. Its very almost time for Halloween! In fact the only time in Britain where you are less likely to be beaten to a pulp for putting on make up. So to get you in the mood, apart from watching 1,000 most scary moments on Broadway EVER, the keep it fast team have created a playlist for you to Zombie it up!

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1.)  Zombie Girl – Creepy Crawler

(Throw those skin flaps into all sort of satanic shapes as the ghoulish duo deliver a sweat inducing opener)

2.) Lordi - Would You Love A Monsterman?

(Did you just feel that small crunch from the back of you neck? Thats Mr Lordi’s phlegm-filled vocals which have transformed you into a head-banging, guitar wielding god!)

3.) Marilyn Manson- This is Halloween

(An obvious choice you say? Well after hearing the shite-filled Fall Out Boy cover of Disney’s financial saviour of the 90’s, a remedy is called for. In this version Manson gives a nod to Mr Burton but twists it into his own little freakish creation.)

4.) White Zombie – Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks & Cannibal Girls

(Like that final vodka jelly cube kicking in at a end of a Halloween party, the zombie crew lose your mind for a few moments before- BAM!  You’re back in the drunken game with hair swinging action!)

5.) Creature Feature – A Gorey Demise

(If Burton ever heard this he would give two solid thumbs up until they cracked due to the excited strain! One of the best ghoulish themed tracks I have ever heard!)

6.) Soda Scream – The Strange Unexplained Tolls of Idaho

(Amusing yet eerie and disturbing, this piece twiddles along like a fucked up version of the magic roundabout)

7.) Trencher - Hung, Draw Yet Shorter

(Shit your pants just then? This is a real butt-churner that would put the wind up even themselves!)

8.) Liars – Broken Witch

(Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD.)

9.) Tv On The Radio - Wolf Like Me

(Backed by a haunting, atmospheric fuzz, Brooklyn’s TV On The Radio pretty much nail the werewolf/sex metaphor in 4 and a half minutes of exquisite art-rock horror.)

10.) Creedence Clearwater Revival – It Came Out Of The Sky

(Apparently, Stephen King was inspired to write a story based on this little-known CCR track about a farmer who discovers a meteorite that then infects him with a strange plant-like organism.)

So to listen to any of these just click on the names in the player below. Enjoy!

Cover songs are always a mixed bag. There’s nothing like hearing your favourite band belting out their rendition of a famous song and thinking “wow, they made that their own, good job!” Only to have some die-hard fan of said song come round your house and beat you with a big sign that says “you’re wrong and a total pillock” until you recant the previous statement.

Anyway, here are some covers of well-known(ish) songs that have been reinterpreted by other bands closely linked with the hardcore genre. Think of this as the successor to the ‘Depression’s Got A Hold Of Me’ article that I wrote many moons ago. Enjoy.

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Throwdown – Baby Got Back (original by Sir Mix-a-lot)

As covers go, this can go both ways. One opinion is ‘dear god, this is worse than finding out you’re grandfather was Hitler’ or ‘I’m sorry, I can’t form a coherent decision on this track as I’m too busy vomiting my lungs up with laughter.’ Throwdown know the score, keeping the rap element in the track, but fuse it with their own trademark bludgeon-everything-to-death hardcore onslaught and that weird squealing guitar noise at the end of every riff. I’m not sure if it’s vocalist Dave Peters from Throwdown doing the rapping, but it’s definitely him screaming throaty tirades of fury on the track’s title and on ‘LITTLE IN THE MIDDLE, BUT SHE GOT MUCH BACK!’

Yeah baby, when it comes to rapcore, Limp Bizkit has got nothin’ on this.

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The Number 12 Looks Like You – My Sharona (original by The Knack)

In many respects, The Number 12 Looks Like You stick rigidly to the formula set out by the original (well, in the first 20 seconds) until the dual-vocal attack of Jesse Korman and Justin Pedrick kick in. What then follows is an attempt to out-shout each other (and add an impressive number of “woos!”) over the tight metal attack and solid sounding drumming. They certainly do the track justice, with the guitar solo at the 2 minute mark practically spot on. Whilst it’s as not as original as Polysics’ robotic-mash up of electro-pop bizarreness, The Number 12 do a good job.

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The Blood Brothers – Under Pressure (original by Queen)

Taken from the ‘Dynamite With A Laserbeam‘ Three One G Queen tribute album, Seattle’s Blood Brothers transform Queen’s pop-gem into a raging fireball of aggressive punk rock. Jordan Blilie takes on the lead as Bowie, his trademark drawling scream adding tremendous weight to Johnny Whitney’s child-like shrieks of sassiness. During the “this is our last chance” segment, Blilie shows just how strong his voice can be, keeping the low crooning tone all the way through, whilst Whitney loses complete control in the background, giving the track a distinct hint of unhinged chaos – effectively making the song pure Blood Brothers. Infinitely better than My Chemical Romance’s version, which was just an embarrassment to music. Urgh.

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Zombie Apocalypse – Welcome To The Jungle (original by Guns ‘n’ Roses)

Perhaps not the most subtle band in the world, Zombie Apocalypse seem to favour the ‘play fast, loud and screw what it sounds like’ attitude. Fair play guys. Any tune, dexterity, pure rock ‘n roll spirit that the original had has been destroyed by this rather meathead sounding cover. Whilst the intro sounds vaguely familiar, it’s soon lost under a wave of ridiculous over-zealous riffs and some rather unimpressive thrash metal. I suppose you have to admire their balls for covering this. What they lack in restraint and decency, they more than make up for in speed, rushing through the track in half the time that Guns ‘N’ Roses managed.

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By Ross Macdonald

Sundays…. The day of rest… A day for the British ladies to sit back with a slim glass of Pimms topped to the brim with chunks of bloated fruits while the men play a well earned game of Cricket.. Or for two of us at keep it fast, a day to invent a Noise Band!

Our mission is to combined all the components of a budget Noise band recording session and make a set of tracks in a afternoon!

The equipment:

~ Vantage (CHEAP) guitar, with 4 functioning out of tune strings
~ Yamaha 4 pad electric drums brought 5 years ago with a chunk of student loan (a worthy buy!)
~ Mono Dictaphone for that rich quality
~ 2 (yes 2) stylophones!
~ 2 laptops, just for the fine tuning heh heh

So, we sat to think “how does Lightning Bolt come up with complex, distorted whip-lash tracks… Do they just say 1,2,3 and start bashing? Naaaah there is more thought put into it”

So with that thought in mind we pressed the record button and bashed away! 2 hours passed as we both moved from instrument to shouting and managed to have about 12 tracks!!! ranging from 20 seconds to 5 minutes… Some sounding bad.. Some not even listenable!

Now it was just a matter of mashing the tracks into some simple editing software and between us we edited 3 ready for you to listen! Plus we may of added a couple of effects…. Ok a lot!

So below is our band created in a Sunday afternoon – Hyperdrive Lizard – Enjoy!

First things first.

Apologies for the lack of updates recently. Currently, Jason is working on changes to the site and has literally been consumed with work (I haven’t seen him in weeks and he seems only able to communicate using carrier pigeons) and me…well…I’ve just been incredibly lazy watching The Shield, eating expensive biscuits and playing Singstar.
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As a way of saying sorry and because I thought it would be a good idea I’ve compiled together various pieces of music taken from various computer games that I have played and loved over the years. Some are quite recent, others hark back to the glorious days of 1997 where point and click games were ‘cool’ and running over penguins in a souped-up convertible, with Iron Maiden pounding from the speakers, whilst giving the finger to the BBFC was the most daring thing ever. Anyway…. enjoy!

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Gears of War – Cole Train Rap

I’m not sure of the official title of this, but it has a last.fm page, so it must be correct, right? Anyway, those skillful enough to complete the ‘It looks a bit Games Workshop‘ macho-fest Gears of War, will know doubt have heard the hilarious rap at the end provided by Lester Speight (voice of Augustus Cole.) To say it fits the tone of the game is stating the bleeding obvious, but it does, just as much as the dramatic classical pieces that crop up through the various acts. Plus, the scratching is just brilliant.

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Bullfrog Productions – Aum!

Taken from one of my favourite games of all time, the deliciously evil Dungeon Keeper, ‘Aum!‘ is an ominous riff-driven piece of music that combines elements of old school metal and orchestral wailing. It is featured at the beginning of the game as a kind of trailer. I have nothing else to really add except I’d like to know how to play the ‘der ner, der-ner-ner, der-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner’ riff. Tasty. I always imagine the Horned Reaper (main character) strutting down the corridor, decapitating heroes to this piece of music.

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GLaDOS & Jonathan Coulton – Still Alive

Want to really piss someone off? Then keep singing this at them. It’s another end credits tune sung by the guide/antagonist from Valve’s Portal. The lyrical content references many situations the player experienced throughout the game, such as cake, Aperture Science and even Black Mesa. Despite the physical form of GLaDOS lying in pieces at the end of Portal, she makes reference to still being alive, which is oddly disturbing, especially set to such lo-fi electro-pop.

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Iron Maiden – Be Quick Or Be Dead

Okay, so it’s not official computer game music, but come on…..it’s Iron Maiden! Not only was SCI’s Carmageddon 2 one of the best driving games ever, it also had one hell of a soundtrack comprising of not 1, but 4 Maiden songs on constant rotation. These were interspersed with some trippy drum ‘n bass beats it provided an excellent soundtrack to mowing down deer on the fun fair level. Also, possibly the most aptly named track for a game that involves running people over? Hell yeah.

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Martin O’Donnell & Michael Salvatori – Never Forget

Taken from Halo 3, ‘Never Forget‘ is a very moving and beautiful piece of classical music. It always amazes me how this kind of music can fit so well with a game featuring such strong graphic violence. It certainly acts as a calming effect on the player, whilst fitting in with the somber but harsh tones that are associated with war. There’s something about it that sends a shiver down my spine.

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Epic Games – Go Down

Unreal Tournament fanatics will recognise this piece straight away. Some of you may also be puzzled at the lack of ‘headshot!’ and various weapon noises, which I have come to associate with this piece. Featured quite prominently in the levels ‘Deck 17′ and ‘Morpheus’ it is the polar opposite of Halo 3’s classical schmaltz; opting for a more fast-paced dance beat to get the player’s pulse racing. Boom, baby.

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Stay tuned for a very special ‘Mad Mac reviews’ post, where he gets to grips with various indie-darlings and attempts to rip them to shreds with his own kind of sarcasm and bemusement. It should be a good one.

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Sounds

Due to technical problems, said music files will not be shown in the usual player, but can be streamed instead from this link at muxtape.com. (Just click on the song name and a timer will start and the song should immediately start.)

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By Ross Macdonald

Mixtape time again, with the special theme of…..Halloween!

After last week’s exciting encounter with the god of all things horror, aka. George Romero - Keep It Fast brings you a selection of terrifying tracks to sink your teeth into. So, if you’re not going out tonight, slap on some fake blood, crack open a can of cider and turn your speakers up and party like a vampire in a room full of freshly washed necks!

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(Editors note: If you are unhappy about having your music displayed on this site, please read our copyright terms on the front page and e-mail us at the usual address and it will be removed. Thank you!)

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1.) Rocket From The Crypt - ‘I Drink Blood’

(Surely the best rock ‘n’ roll band ever? Over the wave of fuzzed out guitars, Speedo opens up to us about his ‘vampirism.’ Bloody nora!)

2.) Send More Paramedics - ‘Zombiefied’

(Leeds-based thrashcore dead heads Send More Paramedics are the perfect band for a ghoulishly good horror-fest!)

3.) The Bronx – ‘Bats!’

(Actually, this song is more about drugs than halloween, but Matt’s scream of ‘Bats! YEAH!’ halfway through earns this track its place in the mix.)

4.) Half Japanese – ‘Vampire’

(Quite fitting for a horror mix to feature a Half Japanese track, a band who deal with the supernatural in almost all their songs!)

5.) Uncle Monsterface – ‘Count Chocula’

(This probably has more to do with cereal, but he’s a kind of vampire, right? Anyway, a band obsessed with sock puppets – pretty scary?)

6.) Wednesday 13 – ‘House By the Cemetery’

(The ghoul-tastic riff-master brings fear into the under 10’s and extreme head banging joy to everybody else.)

7.) The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster – ‘Puppy Dog Snails’

(Psychobilly Goth Rock band from the England’s hell mouth Brighton slow things down and bring on a pants filler!)

8.) Rob Zombie – ‘Dragula [Hot Rod Herman Remix]‘

(A true horror classic which has been remixed and actually sounds better than the original!… Please don’t break my windows for saying that! )

9.) The Horrors – ‘ Death at the Chapel‘

(Hip-swinging, cheap organ playing and over the top barking from Faris Badwan is a must for this Hallowed night!)

10.) The Misfits – ‘ Monster Mash‘

(Why not use that last piece of fiendish drunken energy to shout the lyrics to this classic. All together “He did the…. “*Gonna be sick!*)

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Sadly unlike Ross, who wrote the other other Mixtape Post, I don’t receive any types of wizardry compilations through the post. Just lots of bills and a lot of discount vouchers to farmfoods…. How do they know where I live?!?!

So moving on, I thought I would share with you my favourite tracks of Tokyo. I went over there for a month and strangely I found that on the big screens of shibuya they were playing such “banging” tracks from Kasabian and the Kaiser Chiefs. These are the sort of ‘tunes’ I thought I got away from!

But as you go deeper it becomes very clear that not everyone is into that scene. Infact a mate and myself happen to walk into a rap video, which I hope never see! (Bedfordshire guys bopping in a music video must look shameful!)

Anyway we found a huge second hand cd shop that had endless cds for an average price of 200 Yen (about £1). So I bought loads, hoping to find some gems and BAM I found tons.

So below are a few of my favourite tracks that remind me of how cool the Japanese music scene really is:

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(Editors note: If you are unhappy about having your music displayed on this site, please read our copyright terms on the front page and e-mail us at the usual address and it will be removed. Thank you!)

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1.) Guitar Wolf – ‘750 Rock N Roll.’
(Loud Rock N Roll Jet band that thumbs feedback to the back of your brain until your ears bleed.)

2.) Plus-tech squeeze box – ‘Sneaker song!.’
(Uber happy J-pop with catchy guitar licks which would make death metal fans tap their feet to.)

3.) Polysics – ‘Urge on.’
(This track will actually make you throw your chair up in the air, toss your cat out of the window and make you try and sing their made up ’space’ language!)

4.) The Overflow – ‘Wake up soldiers‘
(I can’t actually find anything about this band but they are great! Old school punk at his finest! Chant ahoy!)

5.) Melt Banana – ‘Circle-Jack (Chase the Magic Words, Lego Lego)‘
(Loud drum thumping, deep stomach moving bass, retro robot guitaring and high pitch squeaks. What more do you want?)

6.) Beat Crusaders – ‘E.C.D.T‘
(A jolly nice finish, with clean guitars that could finish your night in a good mood and give you sweet dreams)

So to listen to any of these just click on the names in the player below. Enjoy!

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Greetings to those of you with attention spans that can only be measured in nano seconds. (No, stop looking out the window……) This new feature will look at the noble art of very short songs and mixtapes.

There’s nothing like receiving a mixtape in the post. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that someone has taken the time and consideration to burn any old iTunes playlist on to a shiny disc. (I’m being sarcastic.) Or has slaved away on the artwork (and tracks from their extensive obscure vinyl collection) for the 90 minute cassette they’ve created; complete with a small picture of themselves in the ‘hilarious’ fictional linear notes.

But seriously, mixtapes are fun; I myself have made many in my time and received dozens in the post, many of very high quality, a couple though have had more filler than a head full of rotten teeth. So, to get down to the nitty-gritty details, below is a mix packed tighter than this guy’s jeans and shorter than the video of Tim Henman’s best Wimbledon moments.

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(Editors note: If you are unhappy about having your music displayed on this site, please read our copyright terms on the front page and e-mail us at the usual address and it will be removed. Thank you!)

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1.) Charles Bronson – ‘Marriage Can Suck It.’ (0.41)
(top tune this, starts with one of the best spoken word openings to any song, ever.)

2.) Minutemen - ‘Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love’ (0.40)
(Chorus-free cover of that Van Halen track by the legendary Sano Pedro punks, Minutemen. Great stuff.)

3.) Cutting Pink With Knives – ‘Hey, Cowboy’ (0.44)
(UK version of Agoraphobic Nosebleed; but listenable grind-pop fun!)

4.) NoFX – ‘Murder The Government’ (0.45)
(Fat Mike’s crew once again, angry at the American Political system.)

5.) Some Girls – ‘A Sick Cult’ (0.56)
(Girls are awesome. Well, Some Girls are at any rate. I’d love to hear a lounge jazz cover of this song.)

6.) Liam Lynch – ‘Happy’ (0.59)
(This guy’s song isn’t on here just because he looks like me, oh no. Light relief for the listener. WHATEVER!)

7.) Take A Worm For A Walk Week – ‘Lumber Puncture’ (0.52)
(Like being trapped in some horrific nightmare; tech-grind-noise. Sickening.)

8.) The Living End – ‘Ready’ (0.34)
(Stand-up bass rock ‘n’ roll in 34 sweet seconds, crikey Sheila!)

9.) Tenacious D – ‘Lee’ (1.02)
(Longest song, just squeezes over the minute barrier, but for comedy purposes. I once worked with a guy called Lee. FACT.)

10.) XOC – ‘Switch Palace/End Game’ (0.59)
(Flashback to the 80s, with some Super Mario World tuneage, a fitting end to this chaos.)

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I think you’ll agree; a fine collection of songs. Click on the playlist below to hear this short, but sweet musical attack. Perfect!

(Coming soon to mixtapes: songs dedicated to the crazy woman who lives next door to my friend marc. For some reason she likes to climb into dustbins, wade through rubbish, get into cars with strangers and has a pet cat: on a leash!)

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Links/Buy!

Charles Bronson
Minutemen
Cutting Pink With Knives
NoFX
Some Girls
Liam Lynch
Take A Worm For A Walk Week
The Living End
Tenacious D
XOC