After a brief stint away from the writer’s desk, Mad Mac returns to the fold to pen more words of wisdom on the current ‘hot’ acts that are trawling the musical airwaves. After the slamming he gave (The) Foals last time, how will indie-darlings Johnny Foreigner go down? Let’s see…

(If you want your band/song/face reviewed by Mad Mac, drop us a line to the usual e-mail address or why not try the ‘Ask Mad Mac’ button at the top of the page.)

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The Hold Steady - Sequestered in Memphis

During this very long intro I was begining to loose the will to live, in fact I was not sure I would live long enough to hear it finish. But finish it did. I felt the vocalist lost his way wondering around the Southern States. With enough listens I think this one would grow on you, but then so can ringworm.

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Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - The Boxer

Puts me in mind of the Sex Pistols trying to annoy by murdering a well known classic. Remakes can be risky and can be rubbish if the rendition does not work - it does not work. Pity.

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Jay Reatard - See/Saw

Very hard on the drums (ear drums). I feel the drummer brought his own drum kit along and they had to let him play, even though it tried to drown out the vocalist (if only.) The lyrics very samey all I could understand was “she freaks me out” repeatedly, a bit how I felt at the end.

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She & Him - I Was Made For You

High school musical type tune, I felt it tried to remind me of “Grease” - it didn’t. The girl tried her best, hope she is good looking and they have better material than this. (She is and I perhaps should have picked a better song, faux pas on my part - Ross)

Johnny Foreigner - Salt, Pepper and Spinderella

Bad sounding percussion. Reminds me of banging your head against a metal locker at school. The ending cannot start too soon, or be too short, unfortunately is does go on a bit to make the track seem longer, it succeeds.

Pulled Apart By Horses - The Lighthouse

Pulled apart by horses? It felt like it! The end would be a blessed relief, which is exactly what it was. The finish was a bit abrupt it does seem that the “Music Appreciation Society” or the “Noise Abatement Society” had got to the mains power. My life was not enriched by this listening experience.

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Nice. If anyone has any ideas for gigs to send Mad Mac to, post your comment below or drop us an e-mail. Preferably somewhere he can sit down if need be and one that won’t cost me an arm-and-a-leg in ticket price/travel/beer.

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Links

‘Stay Positive’ by The Hold Steady is out now through Rough Trade.

‘Have Another Ball’ by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes is available from the Fat Wreck Chords site. You can also download an MP3 of ‘The Boxer‘ as well.

Jay Reatard stuff can be bought from the Matador Records site, including the singles comp that ‘See/Saw’ comes from.

‘Volume 1′ by She & Him is out now on the Merge Records site.

‘Waiting Up Til It Was Light’ by Johnny Foreigner is out now on Best Before Records, but the site seems confusing, so try Amazon if you want to get it.

Pulled Apart By Horses have all their songs available for free download from their website, check it out.

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Intro - Ross
Words - Mad Mac

Hi! No sarcastic introduction this time or any cover-star baiting. Just some honest reviews and an mp3 of the best track off the compilation. Nice.

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Soulfly – Unleash

The one thing about a Max Cavalera band is that you pretty much know exactly what it sounds like even before you listen to the opening bars. Mixing the right elements of Soulfly’s typically abrasive thrash metal with some interesting world-music influenced breaks and a squealing guitar - business as usual for the Brazilian mob.

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Alesana – This is Usually The Part Where People Scream

Well it’s happened; I’m officially bored to tears by screaming in music. Thanks, Alesana; you’re boisterous, but woefully hackneyed take on the genre is doing nothing for me. In fact, I’ve had to turn this down, for fear that anyone who witnesses me listening to this tripe will think that I’m some pre-pubescent bed-wetter who likes music with all the depth and charm of a turd sandwich.

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We Are The Ocean – Don’t Be Careless

Take note: this is how you do it. London’s We Are The Ocean know how to sucker in the kids, playing the kind of scream/sung melodic hardcore that welsh-boys Funeral For A Friend used to peddle. The vocals give a strong nod towards Dallas Green of Alexisonfire with equal gusto and vitality. Promising.

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Harvey Milk – Barn Burner

I’m not sure whether all Harvey Milk songs sound like this, but I pray to god they do. At just over 2 minutes in length ‘Barn Burner’ is a rampant rock ‘n’ roll facepunch of dirty, fuzzed out riffs and machine gun drumming. This chews up the airwaves like fat man let loose in a chocolate factory. Absolutely brilliant, one to crash your car to.

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Capricorns – Seventh Child Of A Seventh Child

Instrumental band Capricorns say a lot with their music. Some would consider this difficult for a band without a singer, but when you’re making this kind of pulverising racket, who needs some weedy little fart shouting into a microphone? Not these guys. With the kind of drummer you’d kill one of your own friends to have, this doom-laden approach to metal is hard to beat.

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Mouth Of The Architect – Rocking Chairs and Shotguns

Mouth of the Architect are one of those bands that relies on huge passages of winding sound, interspersed with the kind of vocal roars you would normally associate with various wounded animals or enormous men with beards. Come for the dread, stay to be ground down into a fine powder by this Ohio noise-brigade.

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Apse – From The North

Not really sure what to make of this. It kind of washes over you like a really cleansing shower, but doesn’t really go anywhere. Sure, there are some nice moments, if sweeping passages of the same note tickle your fancy. Ultimately though, it’s pretty dull. I’m sure live, it’s equally as un-enthralling, but I could be completely wrong of course.

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Rinoa – Atlantis

This is a bit like listening to Poison the Well covering Deftones songs, with a dash of Hopesfall in the mix. Impassioned screams, complimented by strong instrumental passages and the kind of rough and ready sound that you’d associate with a plethora of underground European hardcore stalwarts. Seriously good work guys, one’s to keep an eye on.

Racebannon – Awaken

This one time, I heard two cats fighting to the death outside my window. Suffice to say, it sounded better than the fuck-awful racket Racebannon class as music.

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Disarm – The River City Ransom Death Pact

I’m a massive sucker for really fast-paced punk rock, so it comes as no surprise that Disarm’s brand of riffs o’ plenty appeals in bucket loads. It’s all there, the “woaaahhh yeahs” the snarling vocals, crashing drums and driving guitar lines. Formulaic as an excel spreadsheet, but oddly pleasing.

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Calabrese – Voices Of The Dead

A horror-rock band without a stand up bass? Shirley not! Calabrese are 3 brothers who all look like they stepped off the set of Greased meets The Krays. Whilst some kinds of horror punk can be pretty hit and miss, this is surprisingly pleasant with a huge chorus and buckets of potential.

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Withered – Dichotomy Of Exile

Someone’s been listening to ‘Blood Mountain’ too much! Oh yeah, that’s me. Also, it seems American metallers, Withered have been spinning one or two Mastadon albums as the riffs on ‘Dichotomy Of Exile’ sound even more beefier and heavier. It then all goes a bit black metal then, which doesn’t interest me in the slightest and the “yappy the back flipping dog” vocals are complete pony until the throaty roars kick in. Bit of an odd one.

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Fellsilent – Immerse

For the fanatical metal fan in us all, this will probably appeal in truckloads. In this case, it does very little except irritate and sound woefully run of the mill. Okay, so it has the detuned guitar shriek and the scream/sung vocals aren’t too bad, but it’s all a bit ‘what’s the point?’ Fellsilent? If only.

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The Psyke Project – Poems Written By Kings

Apparently their drummer wants to nob Madonna. Yikes. Maybe he can win her over with his drumming, which is nothing short of terrific on this track, all double-bass pedals and inhuman stick work - lovely. The rest of it is pretty good as well, coming across a bit like doomed-hardcore heroes Cursed if they decided to extend their sound with even more foreboding.

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Vessels – Look At That Cloud!

Instrumental five-piece Vessels hail from Leeds, so no wonder they sound a bit down in the mouth! Just kidding. I really don’t know what to say about this, other than it draws to mind the kind of extensive ‘build ‘em up, knock ‘em down’ approach to sans-vocal rock that This Will Destroy You have, with the closing eruption of sound at the 6.30 mark spewing forth a wonderful crushing conclusion.

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Sounds

Click on the player to listen to ‘Barn Burner’ by super-fast noise bastards, Harvey Milk.

Get the Flash Player to see the wordTube Media Player.

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Links

See above for band myspace links. Harvey Milk’s album ‘Life…The Best Game In Town’ can be bought from Relapse Records here.

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By Ross Macdonald

Back in the day (mid-1990s, early 2000) nu-metal was big - Pavarotti big. Nearly every music channel had some sweaty bald man in a black t-shirt jumping up and down, screaming about how he was beaten by his dad with a tyre iron. Behind him would be 3 –4 other guys (all of similar appearance, save for ridiculous facial hair) trying to mash together their varied styles of five-string slap bass, two note power chords and jazz drumming. Atrocious, right? Yeah, but at the time it was one bandwagon that I duly jumped on and enjoyed. Of course, I would deny all knowledge of owning the first Papa Roach album when talking about the new La Quiete 7” with my peers down the local straightedge club….

This somewhat embarrassing new feature will briefly (and god to I mean briefly,) skim over 10 or so nu-metal acts from the past (chosen by Jason and myself) for you to cringe over. Angst-ridden rock has never sounded so good.

You’ll notice we’ve only included a few acts, as some are really too appalling to mention.

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Band: Papa Roach
Time Active: 1993 – Present (they self-released a lot of early material on eps.)
Sound: The ‘Roach have moved away from their rap-core metal tag (as seen on ‘Infest’ ) and now sound more ‘hard rock’ apparently. I.e. a watered down version of Eighteen Visions.
High Points: ‘Infest‘ going Platinum 3 times. Woah. Also, ‘Last Resort’ reaching number 3 in the singles chart in the UK.
Low Points: That ‘lovehatetragedy’ album. *Vomits* Plus, looking like world class douchebags.
Fast Fact: In an early incarnation of the band they had a trombone player.
Where are they now?: Still going strong…if that’s the word. New album released in August, called ‘Metamorphosis.’ Drummer Tony Palamero has left the band due to personal reasons.

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Band: One Minute Silence
Time Active: 1995-2003
Sound: Formulaic but anarchistic rap-metal that progressed into a harsher, more desolate sounding territories before their split. ‘Fish Out Of Water’ was a particular favourite, despite the nonsensical lyrics and comedic singing.
High Points: Extensive touring schedules, including: support for metal-gods Anthrax on one of their US tours and a European one, as well as dates with Machine Head, Slipknot and Sepultura.
Low Points: Hard to say – they were a hard working band, but their music offered little experimentation. Perhaps the hectic touring was too much? Also, would they still be relevant nowadays, what with the progression of British metal (i.e. Johnny Truant, Down I Go, Maths, Throats, Rolo Tomassi, etc.)
Fast Fact: The band’s name comes from showing a mark of respect when someone close to you/important/respected dies.
Where are they now?: Vocalist Brian ‘Yap’ Barry formed Pink Punk (spoken word/hip-hop project, quite good) in 2006 and released an album called ‘Zoo Politics’ on Freeport Records. Although OMS haven’t ruled out the idea of reforming, it seems unlikely.

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Band: Spineshank
Time Active: 1996 - 2007
Sound: Their distinct nu-metal sound was complimented by erratic industrial beats, especially on ‘The Height of Callousness.’ Vocalist Jonny Santos maintained a husky drawl to his voice throughout their recordings that was certainly an acquired taste. He constantly sounded like he needed Imodium tablets/or a packet of tunes.
High Points: Making it big with their second album, ‘The Height of Callousness’ and their breakthrough singles ‘Synthetic’ and ‘New Disease.’ Plus, joining Ozzfest in 2001, tours with Disturbed and Hed (PE) and being nominated for a Grammy for ‘best metal performance’ in 2004 for their track ‘Smothered.’
Low Points: Losing Santos really. At the height of their career his departure led to the end of Spineshank. Mind you, I’d have kicked him out for that ridiculous haircut.
Fast Fact: TV host Daisy Donovan actually went on tour with Spineshank in 2002 as part of her ‘Daisy Daisy‘ show, (a crap version of Louis Theroux.)
Where are they now?: Santos plays guitar and sings in rubbish metalcore act Silent Civilian. The 3 remaining members of Spineshank continued for a bit with a new vocalist, but amicably split after 3 years of not much happening. A sad end really.

Video:Fancy laughing at 4 angry men shouting about being artificial/checking out a hott girl? Click below to watch the video of ‘Synthetic.‘

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Band: Disturbed
Time Active: 1996-present
Sound: If you were to look nu-metal up in the dictionary, a picture of Disturbed would probably be under the entry. Their style is typical of the genre, albeit with vocalist David Draiman’s trademark ‘monkey yelps’ and unusual singing style on their earlier material. Nowadays, they seem to go under the ‘alternative metal’ tag.
High Points: The release of their first album ‘The Sickness’ sold 4 million copies and projected them into the metal circuit, making them a staple band of the genre. They’ve also had 3 consecutive number 1 albums, which I find incredibly hard to believe. I guess people like derivative American meathead metal!
Low Points: losing bassist Fuzz due to personal differences in 2003, but apart from this the band seems to be going from strength to strength.
Fast Fact: Their most well known song ‘Down With The Sickness’ was covered by Richard Cheese and used in the film ‘Dawn of the Dead’ (2004 version.)
Where Are They Now?: Disturbed have just released their 4th album, ‘Indestructible’ (best album cover ever alert) and are currently planning a tour of Australia in August and September with God-botherers P.O.D. and lamest band ever, Alter Bridge. Exciting times.

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Band: Limp Bizkit
Time Active: 1994 –2005 (supposed hiatus)
Sound: Idiotic frat boy rap-rock, featuring over-the-top profanity, abysmal lyrics and some neat scratching courtesy of DJ Lethal.
High Points: Selling 54 million albums worldwide is nothing to be sniffed at and ‘Significant Other‘ their sophmore effort, went number 1 in the Billboard 200. Also, that free gig they did in 2003 at Finsbury Park was a nice gesture.
Low Points: Too many to mention. How about: losing Wes Borland twice, that shitty remix album, Results May Vary, The Unquestionable Truth, the Britney Spears thing, Durst being heckled at the 2003 Summer Sanitarium Tour and walking off stage after 6 songs, being generally a walking joke, etc.
Fast Fact: For Christmas several years ago, I was given a censored version of ‘Chocolate Starfish….‘ by my Auntie. Needless to say, it was actually funnier/better than the original uncensored version - hearing ‘Hot Dog’ with all the ‘fucks’ blanked out was particularly amusing. The album has since vanished.
Where Are They Now?: Hiatus. Apparently Durst and co. are supposedly working on the follow up to ‘The Unquestionable Truth’ but if I was them, I wouldn’t bother (although the ‘Home Sweet Home/Bittersweet Symphony’ cover they did was actually ok.) Borland is currently working on his Black Light Burns project, having severed all ties with Limp Bizkit, calling the ‘Greastest Hitz’ album they released back in 2006 ‘a pile of shit.’ Personally, I’m hoping for a second Big Dumb Face album.

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Links

Papa Roach
One Minute Silence
Spineshank
Disturbed
Limp Bizkit

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By Ross Macdonald

Cover songs are always a mixed bag. There’s nothing like hearing your favourite band belting out their rendition of a famous song and thinking “wow, they made that their own, good job!” Only to have some die-hard fan of said song come round your house and beat you with a big sign that says “you’re wrong and a total pillock” until you recant the previous statement.

Anyway, here are some covers of well-known(ish) songs that have been reinterpreted by other bands closely linked with the hardcore genre. Think of this as the successor to the ‘Depression’s Got A Hold Of Me’ article that I wrote many moons ago. Enjoy.

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Throwdown - Baby Got Back (original by Sir Mix-a-lot)

As covers go, this can go both ways. One opinion is ‘dear god, this is worse than finding out you’re grandfather was Hitler’ or ‘I’m sorry, I can’t form a coherent decision on this track as I’m too busy vomiting my lungs up with laughter.’ Throwdown know the score, keeping the rap element in the track, but fuse it with their own trademark bludgeon-everything-to-death hardcore onslaught and that weird squealing guitar noise at the end of every riff. I’m not sure if it’s vocalist Dave Peters from Throwdown doing the rapping, but it’s definitely him screaming throaty tirades of fury on the track’s title and on ‘LITTLE IN THE MIDDLE, BUT SHE GOT MUCH BACK!’

Yeah baby, when it comes to rapcore, Limp Bizkit has got nothin’ on this.

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The Number 12 Looks Like You - My Sharona (original by The Knack)

In many respects, The Number 12 Looks Like You stick rigidly to the formula set out by the original (well, in the first 20 seconds) until the dual-vocal attack of Jesse Korman and Justin Pedrick kick in. What then follows is an attempt to out-shout each other (and add an impressive number of “woos!”) over the tight metal attack and solid sounding drumming. They certainly do the track justice, with the guitar solo at the 2 minute mark practically spot on. Whilst it’s as not as original as Polysics’ robotic-mash up of electro-pop bizarreness, The Number 12 do a good job.

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The Blood Brothers - Under Pressure (original by Queen)

Taken from the ‘Dynamite With A Laserbeam‘ Three One G Queen tribute album, Seattle’s Blood Brothers transform Queen’s pop-gem into a raging fireball of aggressive punk rock. Jordan Blilie takes on the lead as Bowie, his trademark drawling scream adding tremendous weight to Johnny Whitney’s child-like shrieks of sassiness. During the “this is our last chance” segment, Blilie shows just how strong his voice can be, keeping the low crooning tone all the way through, whilst Whitney loses complete control in the background, giving the track a distinct hint of unhinged chaos - effectively making the song pure Blood Brothers. Infinitely better than My Chemical Romance’s version, which was just an embarrassment to music. Urgh.

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Zombie Apocalypse - Welcome To The Jungle (original by Guns ‘n’ Roses)

Perhaps not the most subtle band in the world, Zombie Apocalypse seem to favour the ‘play fast, loud and screw what it sounds like’ attitude. Fair play guys. Any tune, dexterity, pure rock ‘n roll spirit that the original had has been destroyed by this rather meathead sounding cover. Whilst the intro sounds vaguely familiar, it’s soon lost under a wave of ridiculous over-zealous riffs and some rather unimpressive thrash metal. I suppose you have to admire their balls for covering this. What they lack in restraint and decency, they more than make up for in speed, rushing through the track in half the time that Guns ‘N’ Roses managed.

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Sounds

Below is the little ol’ mixtape player for you to sample and make your own decisions about the four tracks. Stay tuned for more in the coming months!

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By Ross Macdonald

Apologies again for the delay in new posts. I’m actually supposed to be making a forum for a friend at the moment and it’s been slow work, but I’m hopefully on course now, so I can concentrate on posting on Keep It Fast (he says!) Anyway, here’s another Sound Check review for you to enjoy/endure.

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Alkaline Trio - In Vein

This is Alkaline Trio? Great Scott Marty, I’d have called you a lying bastard if I hadn’t read the back of the CD and seen their name glaring out at me. Containing almost none of the edge, catchiness or hint of emotion that their older songs had, this is a poor attempt reviving their gothic-lite punk career. The chorus isn’t bad though, but really they can do much better than this.
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All Time Low - Dear Maria, Count Me In

Ah pop-punk. It’s like that friend at school who you were always embarrassed to hang around with because they were so wet, yet were so ridiculously happy, they’d probably ask you to beat them up just to make you look good. All Time Low are like that. Pretty standard affair, no-surprises, no-frills radio friendly pop-punk that bounces along like a truck full of springs going over a cliff.

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Less Than Jake - Summon Monsters

From the rumbling bass and rapid-fire drums, I knew that Gainesville punks Less Than Jake were finally back to sounding like they did 7 years ago, circa their ‘Borders & Boundaries’ era horns-a-plenty parpfest. The brass is still slightly repressed, (think Rocket From The Crypt rather than Reel Big Fish) but the five-piece still know how to write a tremendously vibrant slice of summer-ska punk, with a chorus so crammed full of hooks you’d think they were taking it fishing. (Stay tuned for album review soon.)
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Former Cell Mates - Always
Former Cell Mates obviously listen to a lot of Hot Water Music. In fact, I swore this was a track by the Gainesville 4 piece at one point. This teeters on the edge of Latterman territory, but not as fast and with less gravel-like vocals. It’s a pleasant enough tune, but hardly original really. Yet more post-hardcore fodder methinks, although the guitar solo at the 2 minute mark is particularly fine.
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Secondsmile - Everything And All That’s Inbetween

Yet more tappy, twiddling rock music from Big Scary Monsters. Being familiar with Secondsmile’s music, I was always slightly let down by their sound, which always seemed a bit flat. This is the polar opposite however: the guitars screech and whine under the strong tribal drumbeats and the vocals punctuate through the howl impressively. Fine work from a promising band who are about to release their second album.

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The Legacy - Fire And Brimstone

I like this. It dips somewhere between the abrasive, throaty hardcore of Give Up The Ghost and stark stand-offish nature of Cursed, with the band’s own touch of raspy vocals and distorted fuzz beneath the build up of anvil-like drumwork. Worth checking out.

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Melvins - The Smiling Cobra

Having only heard a few tracks by Washington’s Melvins, I’m kicking myself for not listening to them sooner. This can only be described as fucking amazing. The guitar roars and wails as though it’s been de-tuned and re-tuned at the same time, whilst the duel drums pulverise any subtly this track has into dust under a haze of some monstrous bass riffs and terrifying screams. Sludge/noise/rock whatever you want to call it, it’s pretty special.

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Cult of Luna - Curse

The slow build up of dread means it can only be one thing. Super Hans has finally got a record deal, or Cult of Luna are on this CD. Thankfully it’s the Swedes and they make short work of my hearing by bludgeoning it with their soundscape of orchestral metal that hums and reverberates with a furious cacophony and vocals that could strip paint – a savage beast of a track and no mistake!

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Valient Thorr - Infinite Lives

Valient Thorr are one of those ‘hilarious’ bands that has a wacky back story. In this case, they landed their spaceship in North Carolina in 1957. Really. Despite this somewhat ludicrous tale (see more on their wikipedia page) their sound isn’t bad, reminiscent slightly of a 21st Century Van Halen. I could see them getting slightly tiresome after a while though. There probably really ‘wacky’ live as well. Oh god no.

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Keith Caputo - Troubles Down

Along with Fu Manchu, this is possibly the perfect song to listen to whilst roaring down some dusty road in a souped-up Cadillac in a backwash corner of America. Don’t expect stoner-rock though, this lifts straight from the Velvet Revolver school of huge riffs, drawling vocals and a cool-as-fuck attitude.

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D-Rail - Tonight…We Party!!!

A predictable start, which only makes me look at the screen and check the running time. Two minutes? Yeah, I can hack that. D-Rail have already suckered me in by playing their hand early in the form of the gang-chant vocals that I love so much. Apart from that, standard hardcore affair that’s been done so many times before; it’s like looking at a painting done entirely in beige.

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Nachtmystium - Your True Enemy

‘Nachtmystium’ sounds like a spell from the Undead Warhammer magic card pack. You have no idea what I’m on about do you? Even the bassist is called Jon Necromancer! Plus, from the photo I’ve seen they all look like reanimated corpses. Oh yeah, the music. Think black metal, think really fast, think drums going “dugga dugga dug dug” and think about how monotonous that all sounds. Bleh.

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Ascend - Ample Fire Within

As someone left their guitar too close to a speaker? Oh right, it IS music, gotcha. Only joking. This is actually pretty good, for something that I thought was going to rip off Cult of Luna, instead decides to scare the crap out of me by sounding similar to the music on the last level of Doom 2, but with more terror. Chanting over the top of SunnO))) inspired feedback, coupled with some seriously distorted bass? Hell yeah. Great track and superb band name as well.

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Errors - National Prism
I think I’ve seen these guys live. They were supporting Rolo Tomassi with another band that were absolute pony. One of them had really crappy disco drums that every vaguely pop/electro band has. Thankfully, it’s not Errors, who actually sound like the diet coke version of Battles, only slightly less interesting. Big barrel of ‘meh’ right there.
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The Ascent of Everest - Mountains

The Ascent of Everest could not have a more apt band name. Their music is a grand, all-encompassing pillar of post-rock that should be back-tracking some slow motion battle sequence in a film and not on a CD being reviewed by a socially inept Games Workshop fan. I’m a sucker for these kind of things, even though I bitch about listening to anything over 10 minutes long, I can’t help but love it sometimes. (Lovely violin bit at the end as well.)

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Links

See above, I’m off to try and make something listenable from the horrendous fuzz I recorded a few weeks ago.

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By Ross Macdonald

Sundays…. The day of rest… A day for the British ladies to sit back with a slim glass of Pimms topped to the brim with chunks of bloated fruits while the men play a well earned game of Cricket.. Or for two of us at keep it fast, a day to invent a Noise Band!

Our mission is to combined all the components of a budget Noise band recording session and make a set of tracks in a afternoon!

The equipment:

~ Vantage (CHEAP) guitar, with 4 functioning out of tune strings
~ Yamaha 4 pad electric drums brought 5 years ago with a chunk of student loan (a worthy buy!)
~ Mono Dictaphone for that rich quality
~ 2 (yes 2) stylophones!
~ 2 laptops, just for the fine tuning heh heh

So, we sat to think “how does Lightning Bolt come up with complex, distorted whip-lash tracks… Do they just say 1,2,3 and start bashing? Naaaah there is more thought put into it”

So with that thought in mind we pressed the record button and bashed away! 2 hours passed as we both moved from instrument to shouting and managed to have about 12 tracks!!! ranging from 20 seconds to 5 minutes… Some sounding bad.. Some not even listenable!

Now it was just a matter of mashing the tracks into some simple editing software and between us we edited 3 ready for you to listen! Plus we may of added a couple of effects…. Ok a lot!

So below is our band created in a Sunday afternoon - Hyperdrive Lizard - Enjoy!

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At the end of March I received the amazing Rocket From The Crypt CD/DVD for my birthday. Of course being a true fan I played the CD at full volume and the watched the DVD so much it is now forever burnt into my eye sockets…. However there is one stupid thing I never did and that was to read the small book that comes with it.

This may be old news for some of you, but John Reis talks about each track and his thoughts about playing them live on that fateful Halloween gig in 2005. Below are my favourite ones: enjoy!

I Put An Intro On You:

“Talk about nervous energy. I could barely get a word out.  Trying to overcome the fear of ruining the moment that would be forever caught on digital tape. There’s a lesson to be learnt kids. If you wanna succeed, don’t try. This whole intro was long, boring and went nowhere. Next time we’ll do something better.”

Jumper K. Balls: 

“OK, here’s where I get clocked real good by a plastic gun. Half way through the song-some butt wipe hurls a toy firearm and tags me in the face. You can even hear it over the blaring wall o’ stacks. I am sure many of you have wanted to do this in the past. It ended up fracturing my labia majora and other small bones in my face. I had to wear a face plate for 3 weeks after the show. But I soldiered on. You know why? Cuz it was in the contract.”

Middle / Born in 69:

“Our best 1-2 punch. Speedo can really sing! Apollo 9 says “I know”. Priceless. Dirty gets up and relives years of backache and shin splints.”

On A Rope:

“The song that will forever be our piss stain on the footnotes of underground 90’s rock lore. Not a bad legacy. I still get checks for $13.92 ever year. In some parts of the world I can buy an ox and fuck it for that price. Speaking of buying things….. I start buying time. I was thirsty and miserable up there. Have I made that clear yet?”

Come See, Come Saw:

“I won 400 clams on a pony at Del Mar Race track with this but but I lost a million brain cells shouting this song at the top of my lungs.”

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Want to read more of these? Well then you will just have to buy the live album set! (Click here to purchase ‘R.I.P.’ from Amazon.)

She & Him are Portland singer-songwriter M.Ward and actress Zooey Deschanel (her from The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy, Elf, Almost Famous and many others.) What intrigues me about this project is the fact that I’d not normally be sucked in to listening to such gorgeous sounding indie rock this easily, but after seeing a video of their performance on some American late night talk show, (I forget what it was called, and youtube is being about as helpful as a paper frying pan) I was hooked.

There’s no denying that Miss Deschanel does indeed have a beautiful voice. Compared to the warblings I’ve heard from Scarlett Johansson (yet another movie star attempting to make the transition between actor and recording artist) She & Him have nothing to worry about as regards the superior act - they win hands down. At times, Zooey sounds like she’s auditioning for Grease (no, come back!) - this may well be considered a criticism; far from it - her transition from the 60’s surf/rock ‘n roll swing of both ‘I Was Made For You‘ and ‘Change is Hard’ through to the 90’s indie of ‘This Is Not A Test’ and the velvet tones of ‘Sentimental Heart’ show off her impressive range and wonderful harmonies. Of course, M.Ward should also receive praise for his delicate and intricate composition, especially his impressive guitar work on ‘Why Do Let Me Stay Here?‘ which despite it’s overtly indie tones, reminds me of The Beach Boys and literally drips with a thick summer sheen.

She & Him’s debut album entitled ‘Volume 1′ will be released in the UK on the 14th July via Merge records. For those in America, the duo (featuring a backing band composed of the cream of the indie-rock scene; i.e. I don’t know, so check their Myspace) will be touring from the 23rd of July to the 10th of August.

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Sounds

To listen to ‘Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?‘ from ‘Volume 1′ click below:

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Links

She & Him Official Site
She & Him Myspace
Label Site
M.Ward Myspace

Due to being in one of those soul crushing moods, I very much doubt my review of this months Sound Check CD will be enitrely favourable. It also doesn’t help that the massive tool, aka Jared Leto from 30 Seconds To Shitting Mars is staring at me with his cold, dead eyes and a hair that looks as if it’s been styled by a blind, no armed, retarded sheep. Anyway, let’s get on with this:

Brigade - What Are You Waiting For?

I feel a bit sorry for Brigade. I mean, does anyone actually give a shit? From this average-at-best effort they sound like a poor mans Colour Of Fire, albeit without the emotion, angst and riffs. Traditional, safe, plodding rock music that’s flogged to death almost every night at Battle of The Bands tournaments all around the country.

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Attack In Black - Marriage

Thank god the vocals sound slightly gravely. It’s perhaps the one saving grace that ‘Marriage’ by Ontario’s Attack In Black has. This is possibly one of the most boring punk bands I have ever heard and that’s saying something; hey, I’ve heard the Boys Like Girls album! Ew.

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Glass & Ashes - We Will Hang For This

Ventura’s Glass & Ashes seem to take the gruff, barbaric punk rock attack of The Bronx and stretch it out wide, like The Rock rolling pastry. They also add a large heap of melodic song play, as well as some harmonies that were last seen when Hot Water Music were the toast of gruff-speaking punk.

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Blacklisted - I Am Weighing Me Down

Obviously Blacklisted have been scraped from the same shoe that gave us the awesome power of The Hope Conspiracy. However, unlike Kevin Baker’s mob, Blacklisted manage to peddle out a minute-and-a-half of pretty featureless and lacklustre hardcore that, despite being fast-paced, smacks of ‘going through the motions.’ Still, the drumming is top-notch stuff.

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Torche - Grenades

In a similar style to Mastodon, Torche’s sound lurches and lumbers, spraying the listener with meaty guitars and bass-heavy rumblings. The sporadic and mind-bending guitar-solo halfway through is a thing of pure beauty, whilst the drums pound away like steel pistons. Best track so far.

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Thrice - Come All You Weary

I admire Thrice for stepping away from the post-hardcore/emo quagmire (gigiddy!) they’ve always staggered about in, but this just feels so forced and quite frankly, sounds like they’ve spent too long listening to ‘The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me‘ and decided to rip it off but not even in a good/interesting way. Dull.

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Gregor Samsa - Jeroen Van Aken

Gregor Samsa sound like their soundtracking some pretentious arthouse flick. On ‘Jeroen Van Aken’(the real name of painter Hieronymus Bosch) they mix wonderful atmospheric soundscapes, with gorgeous female/male vocals that are the very pinnacle of delicate and fragile (albeit in a sense of softness, not weakness.) A luscious, glorious piece of work that puts every other artist on this CD to shame.

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Pilgrim Fathers - Nine Hands Of The Octopus

This is pretty good actually. Sounds a bit like 5 guys messing around with various samples, effects pedals, whilst quaffing large amounts of homebrew, before launching into some heavy-sounding psychedelic stoner rock. A spiralling noise of creativity and spontaneous enjoyment.

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Textures - Old Days Born Anew

This is more like it. Textures shift things up a gear with their speed-metal attack that owes more to the technical riffs of Meshsuggah than the lightning ferocity of say, Slayer. The synthesiser breakdowns add a nice touch, complimenting the harsh heaviness of the main body of the track excellently, as to the garbled sound-effects. Impressive.

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Lights.Action! - Story Of A Broken Boy

This one time, I fell down the stairs and ended up in hospital. It was horrible, much like listening to Lights.Action! who seem to be redefining crapness for 2008.

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Horse The Band - New York City

Well, Horse the Band sound different. Despite the familiar keyboard intro, the bombardment of near-death metal shrieks/cacophony of noise is slightly over-whelming. The distorted keyboard is perhaps the best thing about this track, which is possibly the weakest HTB song I’ve heard. Actually, I’ve decided that this is really rubbish, sorry.

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No Age - Eraser

Ah good old No Age. The familiar slow build up to the eruption of guitar/drone/drums seems to be of great prominence in the band’s repertoire, but it’s one that still sounds brilliant. Great atmospheric noise-pop, that sounds more like a jam session than an actual song.

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Cancer Bats - Pray For Darkness

The first time I heard Cancer Bats I thought they were awful. I’m on my second listen and despite the terrible lyrics (“PRAY FOR DARKNESS!!!!” – dull-metal-cliché alert) they sound ok. Rapid delivery, but having wanky guitar solos on an 90 second long song is a bit meh.

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The Secret - Funeral Monolith

I must say I was quite shocked by The Secret’s sound. My original thought was ‘piss-water emo band’ but it turns out they’re a raging bag of hardcore/metal hatred. Obvious comparisons have to be made with Converge; the riffage alone stands up well alongside Kurt Ballou’s guitar shredding and the vocals sound particularly horrifying, akin to Satan singing in the shower whilst downing cough medicine.

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Evil Bebos - Cronus

I’m not sure what Rock Sound’s criteria is with these CDs. Is there something in the contract that says ‘must have long drawn-out piece of music by relatively unknown post-rock band.’ Anway, if they think I’m sitting through all 13 minutes of Evil Bebos (named after some dog) then they’re sorely mistaken. Sorry, but my attention span is bloody awful these days. (Saying that, I have listened and it’s pretty damn good.)

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Links

See above, I’m off to start my Doom 2 speedrun using only the super shotgun. Amazing scenes.

Since Essex duo Kunt and the Gang were introduced at Christmas by Keep It Fast everybody has has being reading about them! As you will see from our ‘most popular’ list they have even beaten interviews by Ex super band Some Girls and Electro-Industrial duo Angelspit! How is this possible some of you may ask?

It looks like over the last couple of years they have penetrated the minds of all under 30’s with their sexellent tales of multi-way wankage, obsessive thoughts of ‘front bottoms’ and of course a true milf ‘ballad’ to Carol Vorderman.

So as Kunt and the Gang release their third album ”one last wank and one last cry” which is the final to the wank/cry trilogy, we ask them a selection of intimate questions:

What can we look forward to if we slip in this new album into our players?

You can look forward to such a barrage of filth that you’ll feel the urge to run a flannel over your knackers when you’ve finished. I think this album has some of our best songs yet, “Men with beards (what are they hiding?)” is already becoming a firm favourite at gigs, and “I’m gonna lick you out” seems to be making ladies moist.

Has there being any pressure/conflict between you and Little Kunt in the making of this new album? If so dare we ask?

He’s been pressing me for more of an input, so I humoured him by letting him sing a couple of duets. He was off his face on crack most of the time so you didn’t know whether he’d be turning up at the studio waving a Swiss army knife around or crashed out at home with a pantful of runny big jobs.

Where do you get your inspiration from to make these masterpieces?

It stems from having a lot of time on your hands, which invariably turns into having your cock in your hand. I thought I would have run out of ideas by now but the more you tour, the more people that come up and tell you about the time they shit themselves and you think, oooh that’s gonna make a good song!

Has the lovely Carol Vorderman ever left feedback on the track you made about your feelings for her?

I was sure when I wrote the song that she would hear it, feel the love and it would end up in me inserting my manhood into her frontbottom. Unfortunately that still has yet to happen, but also I haven’t heard anything from her lawyers which makes me think maybe she hasn’t heard it yet.

If you could of had any guest vocals on the new album, who would they be?

It would have to be some female pop star I was trying to get my end away with, so we’d end up stuck in a booth together and I could barricade the door and do a Joseph Fritzel. So to rephrase the question: ‘Which female popstars would you like to take hostage and systematically abuse over a period of several years?’… It would probably have to be any of Girls Aloud apart from the wafty ginger one, Belinda Carlisle, her out of Altered Images, Billie Piper, Rihanna, Beyonce, Nina from the Cardigans, Kim Wilde circa 1981, Avril Lavigne (as long as she didn’t bring any of her fucking dreadful records) or Shakira.

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There we go! That explains it all then! Below is the fantastic track ‘men with beards (what are they hiding?) from their new album:

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Links

Kunt and the Gang myspace

Official site