I’m not going to do a gig rundown, because I didn’t attend that much this year. However, Hot Snakes, The Bronx, Death From Above 1979, Taking Back Sunday and Johnny Foreigner were all excellent, as were any bands I forgot about (it’s been a long year). I have to say though, this has been one of my favourite years for music – some real surprises, some truly amazing albums and some fantastic songs that I’ve pretty much been playing to death. There’s also been disappointments – ‘Goblin’ by Tyler, The Creator, being a complete mess, absorbed by hype (‘Yonkers is still a massive tune), the new Foo Fighters not quite living up to what I hoped (still too polished guys) and Steel Panther being somewhat tedious live.

Anyhow, here’s to 2011….roll on 2012. Happy New Year to all our readers! x

And So I Watch You From Afar – Gangs

It’s hard to imagine this album not existing. ‘Gangs’ feels like a crushing, encompassing hug that refuses to let go. It’s the sound of achievement – it’s the sound of joy – it’s the sound of being a champion. “Blissful destruction to a euphoric high of cascading riffs…” ‘Gangs’ never tires – it’s a surging rush of adrenalin, fuelled by raw power and will leave the listener with that sense of being indestructible.

Touché Amoré– Parting The Sea Between Brightness And Me

“I’M NOT A PROVIDER BUT A CENTRE DIVIDER!” Clocking in at under 22 minutes, ‘Parting The Sea Between Brightness And Me’ is some of, if not the strongest, emotive hardcore punk around at the moment. It’s the piano led ‘Condolences’ that really stands out however. Jeremy Bolm’s vocals are laced with bitter, echoing sadness on an album that stretches the hardcore template to its limit with its fractured, caustic, emotive message.

Zombi – Escape Velocity

Zombi make this progressive future music that sounds so alien to everything else about at the moment. At least, to these ears they do. It’s a rich, luscious soundscape of rising synths that simply wash over you. In some respects, it reminds me a lot of the Unreal Tournament soundtrack – that same progressive rush of clattering instrumental keys versus drums that are constantly at war.

Today Is The Day – Pain Is A Warning

I was surprised with how much I enjoyed this album. Some parts remind me of Therapy? jf they spent all their time listening to Slayer and had a sense of humour bypass. It’s dark, evil-sounding metal that twists and sneers and just sounds so deliciously malevolent and snarling. ‘Wheelin’ is Fu Manchu snorting acid, whilst ‘The Devil’s Blood’ is a weird mix of guitar-wailing fret-destruction and a dark stomping groove of fear. The only metal album you need this year.

Weekend Nachos – Worthless

The first song on this album features the words “GET FUCKED!” yelled as both an order and a burning spit of vile hatred.  Still not entirely sure what to class ‘Worthless’ as – totally radical seems apt. Or gnarly, hardcore punk fed through a filter of sludge. Or Harvey Milk trying to cover Some Girls songs. In any case, it’s a raging, seething, scene-bashing assault.

Other notable releases:

The Wonder Years – Suburbia: I’ve Given You All And Now I’m Nothing (fist-pumpingly excellent pop-punk that will leave a stupid grin on your face.)
The Heat Tape – Raccoon Valley Recordings (scrappy, early-Thermals garage rock devoid of production, packed with tunes and a snotty, abrasive attitude.)

Wolves Like Us – Late Love (Norwegian hard rock that sounds like it’s turning into Mastodon jamming with Black Flag.)

Limp Bizkit – Gold Cobra (surprisingly brilliant return to form. Durst and Co have produced an album that harks back to the good old days and their frat-boy nu-metal party shenanigans still haven’t worn.)

Red Fang – Murder The Mountains (sludgy, heavy metal attack by a band who have taken elements that make Mastodon so vital and covered them in layers of dirt and decay.)

Of Legends – Stranded (The guy from The Secret Handshake making sick ‘n twisted chaotic metalcore that’s completely detuned but vile and cutting in every aspect.)

Fucked Up – David Comes To Life (a punk rock opera clocking in at nearly 80 minutes. It’s an epic and rewarding slice of the future of three chords and the truth.)

Hawks and Doves – Year One (Planes Mistaken For Stars frontman does alcohol-soaked depression with a voice that you can smell scotch on from your speakers. Imagine an unhappy version of Hot Water Music.)

Black Spiders – Sons of the North (released at the beginning of the year, ‘Sons of the North’ is G.U. Medicine-style rock ‘n roll with some Fu Manchu thrown in for good measure. Tight, raucous and packed full of beard power.)

Heartless –Hell Is Other People (spiteful, black-metal hardcore, not for the faint hearted.)

Junius – Reports From The Threshold of Death (Neurosis style heavy noise and shoegaze washes over some of the most sombre and sorrowful vocals I’ve heard.)

This Is Hell – Black Mass (blazing thrash-punk rock that barely gives you time to breathe/think/concentrate.)

Trapped Under The Ice – The Big Kiss Goodnight (jock-hardcore beatdowns that actually have substance)

Brutal Truth – End Time (unrelenting assault from the grindcore legends that refuse to simply shut the fuck up.)

The Rodeo Idiot Engine – Fools Will Crush The Crown (what I imagine hell sounds like. Definition of musical chaos is The Rodeo Idiot Engine. Makes Dillinger Escape Plan look like a pop band.)

-

By Ross Macdonald

These aren’t in order – it’s just the way I wrote them.

Fucked Up – Queen Of Hearts (‘David Comes To Life’)

I don’t get why people dislike the vocals on Fucked Up. All the best punk bands have a dude that sounds like a bear for a singer: The Bronx (shaved), Paddy from Dillinger Four and obviously Father Damian who is actually a bear (unshaved). Someone said that the video to ‘Queen Of Hearts’ makes them weep and they would be right. However, despite mentioning the vocals, they aren’t even the best bit of the song – no, the best part is the last minute and a half, which is an absolute barrage of fist-in-the-air, hugging-the-person-next-to-you, explosion of ecstatic punk rock guaranteed to make you emote.

Touché Amoré – Home And Away From Here ( ‘Parting The Sea Between Brightness And Me‘)

Touché Amoré are one of the reasons why I still haven’t lost faith in hardcore. Like a savage beating, their second album and in particular, this song – will leave you breathless and wheezing (although, you’ll probably still have all your teeth, phone, wallet etc.) Vocalist Jeremy Bolm has this wonderfully strained and scratched voice of a dude consumed with angst and the tightness of the rest of the band make their taunt, aggressively-melodic music something I’ve basically been sticking on repeat since I first heard it.

Three Trapped Tigers – Reset (‘Route One, Or Die‘)

I just wish Matt Berry was talking over this. Or just some samples of him saying “kit kat” or “JEN!” or “WOW A GUN!” or “The Ordinary Boys?” – I think having him at the start of their mind-screw-head-shafting-future-music-odyssey has affected me a little. ‘Lush’ is just one word I’d use to describe it. ‘Deliriously ecstatic’ is another. I imagine this is what’s played in the Soylent Green factories just as your exit, before Charlton Heston ruins everything as usual.

Limp Bizkit – Shotgun (‘Gold Cobra’)

POP OFF THE ROCK SHIP
POP, POP, POP OFF THE ROCK SHIP

Wes’s guitar solo = more golden than the snake on the album cover, fo’ sure.

And So I Watch You From Afar – Gang (Starting Never Stopping) (‘Gangs‘)

If the bending, sonic noise of this track doesn’t get to you, then there’s a chance you’re possibly dead. ‘Gang (Starting Never Stopping)’ is the second track from ‘Gangs’, their second full-length. A choppy, tribal mash-up of aggressive sound, with elements of punk seeping through the unhinged, cracking chaos – it makes me want to punch out the sun.

The Wonder Years – Came Out Swinging (‘Suburbia: I’ve Given You All And Now I’m Nothing’)

This was going to be ‘Woke Up Older’, but after some truly amazing news, ‘Came Out Swinging’ pips it, mostly for lyrical content – because you know, it’s about moving on, becoming a better person, and I wrote something about getting better about a month ago, and if I’m being honest…I’m getting there. (Thanks, The Wonder Years).

Down I Go – Poseidon (‘Gods‘)

Kings of concept-core, Down I Go make metal music that is pretty specialist. ‘Poseidon’ is a bending caterwaul of god-worshipping terror. There’s far too much going on here; from ridiculous back-and-forth gang vocals, electronic crackles, howling guitars and even a bloody saxophone. Being unhinged never sounded so good.

Zombi – DE3 (‘Escape Velocity‘)

Not actually sure why I like this. In my review for planet-loud I proclaimed it the best song I’d heard all year – this was back in May. I’m actually listening to it again now, all 9 minutes and 2 seconds of this bastard. As a whole, ‘Escape Velocity’ works best, but ‘DE3’ is still a superb mind-warp of space-rock genius.

Black Spiders – What Good’s A Rock Without A Roll? (‘Sons Of The North’)

Five proper lads, with proper haircuts, playing proper tunes. Actually, they all look like various ex-Motley Crue roadies who haven’t had a wash in 15 years. This is the best song from the under-rated and over-looked, ‘Sons Of The North’ – if you’re after music that sounds like it’s still hungover from a whisky drinking competition, whilst listening to Fu Manchu, then this is for you. Eat thunder, shit lightning indeed.

Hawks And Doves – Hexing (‘Year One‘)

Miserable sounding, gutter-punk done by a man consumed by loss despair. Gared O’Donnell does his best to be as morose as possible on this stabbing, part-Therapy? Part-Hot Water Music diatribe. There’s something about a voice that’s been completely weathered away that really makes music seem incredibly unsettling. In fact, the whole of ‘Year One’ by Hawks And Doves is worth your attention.

Weekend Nachos – Jock Powerviolence (‘Worthless’)

I STOPPED TRYING TO BE COOL A LONG TIME AGO

Today Is The Day – Wheelin’ (‘Pain Is Warning’)

Scathing, caustic rock ‘n roll fed through a bastard filter. Frontman Steve Austin (not that one) sounds like a complete manic, barking his screechy voice over dense, razor-sharp metal for about 2 and a half minutes. It’s really, ridiculously loud for some reason, not Coachwhips loud, but getting there.

-

Other notable highlights:

The Heat Tape – ‘Quotes From An Unopened Letter’, Set Your Goals - ‘The Last American Virgin’, Despise You – ‘Fear’s Song’, Absolute Power – ‘Secrets’, Four Year Strong – ‘Stuck In The Middle’, Goes Cube – ‘The Ban Has Been Lifted’, Wolves Like Us – ‘Shiver In The Heat’, Obits – ‘Naked To The World’, We Are The Ocean – ‘Overtime Is A Crime’, La Dispute – ‘The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit’, Of Legends - ‘Save The Humans’, Red Fang – ‘Hank Is Dead’.

-

Links

Click HERE for a Spotify playlist featuring all the above songs, AND MORE

-

By Ross Macdonald

An interesting mix this month. Four Year Strong, Crazy Arm and A Loss For Words fly the flag of punk rock with relentless enthusiasm and maniacal delight, whilst La Dispute turn hardcore upside-down; Trapped Under Ice completely stamp all over it and Lifeless win the award for ‘funniest band I’ve heard in ages.’  Props to Collapse Under The Empire for being truly fantastic also and contributing the best track on the CD.

-

Four Year Strong – Stuck In The Middle

Pop-punk has been consistently excellent this year – Four Year Strong continues that trend superbly. ‘Stuck In The Middle’ mixes the right amount of part-melodic, antagonistic aggression with some sublime pop-hooks, whilst dual vocalists, Dan O’Connor and Alan Day do an impressive job of finishing each others sentences on a track that has one of the most infectious choruses I’ve heard all year – if all the songs on their new record even touch the greatness of this – holy shit!

La Dispute – The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

Never heard of these guys before, but suddenly I want to hear everything they’ve released. Talk about tense – La Dispute is unlike any hardcore band I’ve heard. Their sound is incredibly concentrated and sharp; the guitars and bass taunt and edgy- the drums crisp and loud – what sound like handclaps gives it an oddly sinister edge, whilst vocalist Jordan Dreyer has a range, not dissimilar to Jeremy Bolm of Touché Amoré. Whatever they’re doing, it’s the sort of uneasy and astringent hardcore that I can appreciate.

Five Finger Death Punch – Under And Over It

I admire the stones Five Finger Death Punch have in their continuation to pedal their sub-standard, frat boy nu-metal poseur-core to the masses. The backing vocals JUST about save this from being complete garbage. If they ditched the shitty harsh vocals this would still sound….well….terrible, but at least it wouldn’t have such cringeworthy lyrics that even Durst would turn his nose up at.

Machine Head – Locust

Never been that taken with Machine Head. This isn’t bad though. Guttural, vicious sounding guitars that plum the depths of sludgy, metallic noise as well as retaining that standard heavy metal chugga-chug beat-down. For the most part though, it’s proper bruiser-core breakdowns, fret-wankery and something that resembles a band that have survived where many of their contemporaries have fallen.

Uneven Structure – Awaken (Edit)

Opening 10 seconds are post-rock, and then it all goes to hell. A scathing, relentless pound of agitated metal that combines elements of some of the most bleakest and raging hardcore you’ve ever heard. In some places, it’s pretty damn tech – a methodical progressive build of tech, rather than DEP-spazzcore knee-jerks of chaos. This anchors rage and aggression into a churning maelstrom of rage and pensive brooding.

Trapped Under Ice – Outcast

From first impressions it’s far too easy to dismiss this as Bridge 9-dumbcore. It’s more like Snapcase with muscles though. The vocals are a snarling sneer, with that almost-unintelligible bark, backed by strong gang bro-core backing vocals, overwrought guitar lines some crunching drum beats and the odd solo for good measure. Plus, one of them looks like Alan Tudyk’s younger brother.

Lifeless – Crap Tax

This is 65 seconds long. It sounds like Cerebral Ballzy with worse production, a singer that isn’t singing out of his nose, but instead snaps like an irritated parrot, whilst the rest of the band try and play a mix of an Anthrax b-side with Rudimentary Peni and it fucking rocks the bastard house, especially the mangled-guitars which sound completely detuned to buggery.

Crazy Arm – Bandalito

Barely restrained, Crazy Arm absolutely bulldozes their way through this 3 minute bounce of melodic punk. It gives a strong nod towards Millencolin; with certain riffs sounding like lost songs from the Swedish quartets ‘Home From Home’ album. Like Against Me! going hell for leather after far too much sugar and red bull; they absolutely storm it with this passionate ramshackle of fist-punching rock ‘n roll.

Verses – Wait Forever

With a familiar nasally, but hopeful sounding whine on their singer, (hello Dallas Green impersonator!) Verses seem to be bridging a gap between pop-punk and early-emocore (back when Funeral For A Friend sounded good) but without the screaming. It’s decent, but a tad run-of-the-mill in places. It lacks punch and that snapping bite that should really be present in music of this calibre.

A Loss For Words – The Hammers Fall

Ah man, A Loss For Words sound like total fun. Smacking so much of The Wonder Years, their spitting, cheeky fresh-faced pop-punk barrage is chock with goodtime melodies, huge choruses and an early Weezer-sound (think Blue-era, mixed with the fun of Green) drenched in sweat and beer hair. Get on this.

Silent Screams – When It Rains

Sounding a bit like Emmure crossed with some experimental heavy metal, Silent Screams are pretty gnarly. The dual-vocals, (both harsh and melodic) actually compliment each other fairly well, despite being so utterly generic it hurts. With some incredibly low tuning, and possible crab-core actions should they ever produce a music video, it still sounds a lot better than most metalcore that’s around at the moment.

Reverse The Curse – Suplex Condenser Dispenser

You can hear the pain in Ed Starcher, vocalist for Reverse The Curse. It feels real, a lot more real than someone wearing eyeliner. His voice almost breaks, when the opening salvo of his fragile, scraping scream hits you. The bass-driven, taunt punk is fairly sinister in execution, stopping and starting, whilst radiating a gruff Hot Water Music spit of fractured energy.

Ocasan – Not All Heroes Wear Capes

Slightly too sickly for my tastes – Ocasan are pop-punk to the core (and they can deny it as much as they want). Imagine Something Corporate with fewer balls. Okay, that’s being unfair – the kids are going to love this, seriously – it’s got that ace hook and a confident vocalist who knows how to belt it out, but it feels a bit kids club New Found Glory for Juniors.

Collapse Under The Empire – Giants

Sounding like it should be sound-tracking a film like Inception, Collapse Under The Empire ramp up post-rock to new and dizzying heights. We’re talking layers of build here; interspersed with sombre piano breaks, glitching electronics morose, heavy-hitting percussion and the sense that the world is truly about to end. Final battle sequences, a spaceship being destroyed, slow-motion shots of planets crashing together all apply here – absolutely phenomenal soundscapes.

Junius – Betray The Grave

The combination of quite dark and menacing hard rock with the oddly melodic (but no-less imposing) vocals is a strange one. Junius make that kind of unsettling and over-dramatic sounds, that focus on layers upon layers of bold Neurosis-style guitar wails and this relentless pounding heaviness that doesn’t give up or allow any quarter.

-

Links

As above;  I don’t care.

-

By Ross Macdonald

Sometimes I wish Amazon marketplace never existed. Thinking of all the money I could have saved not buying old nu-metal albums for a penny and £1.28 postage makes me weep. Then I realise that I’d only waste said money the next time I passed a Fopp or a local establishment that sells alcohol. Recent purchases that kind of break the rules set out in the first two parts as I’m vaguely aware of who Cougars are, but had never heard a note of Tanner or Snot’s music – but all purchases were actively sort out rather than random impulse *add to baskets*.

Band – Tanner
Album – Ill Gotten Gains
Release date – 1995
Price – 98p
Thoughts – Tanner are a lost gem. Part of the Swami collective in a way. Fronted by Gar Wood (happiest left-handed guitarist ever) along with 2 other dudes, Tanner were active for a bit of time around the San Diego scene before disbanding after two albums. ‘Ill Gotten Gains’ is their first and the only one I could justify getting for a decent-ish price. I really, really like this. Tanner’s sound has a slight grunge quality to it, mixed with I suppose that Swami-cool-as-fuck attitude. Wood is a fan of making his axe howl and I can hear a lot of Hot Snakes and especially The Night Marchers in this (both Wood’s former and current bands respectively).
Vocally, it’s fairly scrappy – Wood’s voice doesn’t have the coarse grating scratch of Froberg or the snarl of Reis; instead he channels this slightly high-pitched yelp in some places, whereas the rest of the time it see-saws from a low-fi drawl to a snappy bark. His voice suits the music; it’s quite tense, post-punk that rattles and rolls with gritty confidence under some odd time changes. The bass is also fairly prominent, leading a lot of the songs with this sinister grinding hum.

Standout tracks? ‘Computers That Breathe’ is a compact mix of taunt punk rock energy and angry-Therapy? style hard rock. ‘Purma Pak’ is a short-sharp shock of three chords and the truth, whilst ‘Siener’ mixes scrappy punk charm with brass, in a similar style to Rocket From The Crypt.

‘Spastic Art’ sees Tanner aping Fugazi almost perfectly. The guitar has just the right tone – that sense of total and utter rejection and low-end misery. It will then sound like its being completely mangled against the side of the drum kit, whilst Wood’s Ian MacKaye impression is spot on.

Verdict – Underrated; Tanner fit the mould of being the sort of band who should have been huge in the underground, but were perhaps overlooked; considering their alumni features Gar Wood and Chris Prescott (Pinback, No Knife, shitloads of other bands) it’s strange, but there you go. I can also see were Fickle Public got their sound – The Scottish four piece must have some Tanner records on them, because vocalist Alan Ferguson does a damn good Gar Wood impression at times. Perhaps more of an influence than we thought. If you can get hold of ‘Ill Gotten Gains’ and are a fan of Fugazi, Hot Snakes, the aforementioned Fickle Public then this could be an interesting addition to your collection. Drummer Chris Prescott has actually made a load of Tanner mp3s available for free download as well! Top bloke.

Band – Cougars
Album – Nice, Nice
Release date – 2003
Price – £1.75
Thoughts – From listening to Cougars, I’ve come to conclusion that they don’t play music – they destroy it. Back when they were an 8 piece (the band has now sadly stripped their keyboardist, trumpet and sax player from their line up) the pre-requisite for a Cougars song was “turn everything up the 11, and then make it louder, you fucks.” On ‘Nice, Nice’ this is met with gusto and then some. One thing I noticed, is how much the guitars shriek – they seem to be tuned to that ‘permanently putting your teeth on edge’ soundwave.

When listening to Cougars, you will wonder what the hell that thing singing is. Note, I think it is actually human. Vocalist Matthew Irie has one of the strangest voices ever. He sounds like his life has been spent gargling broken glass washed down with the strongest whisky imaginable. It’s a sharp, guttural grate and he is content to howl his lungs out like he’s vomiting up sandpaper. Irie makes as much noise as any other instrument – he’s not subdued – his feedback-soaked voice box punches through the dense instrumental wall of the Cougars sound like a Superman haymaker. What ‘Nice, Nice’ has that I love is the impenetrable layers and layers of different noises that keep it moving. The keys on ‘Mustard is Pissed’ are a squelching tidal wave of doom, whilst heavy trash-rock nature of ‘Slow Pants Changer’ is a San Diego-style yowl of pumped up adrenaline. ‘Flatbrush’ is this intense barrage of noise that features a pleasing, almost jazz mid section, before the chaos manifests itself once more in all its shrieking glory. The keys vibrate and hum in the background, like the motion tracker on a submarine destroyer, whilst Irie completely loses his shit. ‘A Friend To Dogs’ sounds like And So I Watch You From Afar jamming with a couple of dudes from Rocket From The Crypt whilst drunk.
Relentlessly badass; Cougars take no prisoners with their crowded cluster of explosive rock ‘n roll debauchery.

Verdict – ‘Nice, Nice’ is Cougars bludgeoning, stamping and snapping the bones of rock music, leaving it in tatters.

Band – Snot
Album – Get Some
Release date – 1997
Price – £1.95
Thoughts – I only investigated Snot after reading about their former guitarist Mike Smith being in Limp Bizkit for a bit during Wes Borland’s quitting days. I then read about Snot’s history and it completely bummed me out. In 1998, Lynn Strait their singer was killed in a car accident as was his dog, Dobbs who graces the very cover of ‘Get Some.’ Before Strait’s death, Snot had recorded 10 or so tracks for their second album and asked a number of guest musicians from the nu-metal and hard rock alumni to sing on it and dedicated it to the memory of their deceased vocalist. The album was called ‘Strait Up.’

Ok, wiping away tears – you didn’t come here for a wikipedia article, let’s focus.

‘Get Some’ starts with someone asking (possibly) Strait about the record and how he feels. He responds with “FUCK THE RECORD AND FUCK THE PEOPLE!” You know how this is going to go. Slotting straight into the nu-metal template, ‘Get Some’ is all massive bass-heavy overdrives, tinny drum pounding, shit loads of cymbal crashes and hip-hop guitar segments. Strait meanwhile, howls, hollers and generally goes completely apeshit and seems to be having the time of his (short) life. If he’s not spitting rapid-fire soundbites like the Beastie Boys crossed with Rollins, he puts on a ridiculous Chris Cornell style grunge-voice and at times sounds like the cast of Deliverance singing Limp Bizkit songs. This isn’t disrespecting the dead – Strait’s vocals are what drives ‘Get Some.’ As stated previously, it sounds like out of everyone, he was having the most fun during the recording sessions – obviously given free reign to try different styles and totally nailing it on every track. Standout tracks? ‘Joyride’; due to Strait’s cowboy drawl, the tight metallic-punk drive and my thoughts about whether it’s a bit ‘dude not funny’ due to the sample at the end. ‘Deadfall’ is a tribute to the film of the same name and is too fucking funny for words. Basically made up of Nicolas Cage’s ridiculous ramblings where he played an insane mental patient disguised as an insane wig-wearing, fake-tanned, drug taking version of Nicolas Cage. This is all set to some tight hardcore punk thrash, with Strait spitting the words with increasingly agitated speed and determination. He even throws in several Nic Cage impressions for good measure. ‘Mr Brett’ is a snapping, punk rock wrecking train of ‘fuck you!’ directed at Bad Religion main man, Brett Gurewitz about how he’s not really punk but corporate punk. Hey, a guy’s gotta eat!

Verdict – Stonking great. Sure, it’s juvenile and a bit stupid, but ‘Get Some’ by Snot is the sound of a band having far too much fun. Strongly recommended if you like stupid, crass punk rock meets nu-metal chaos.

-

By Ross Macdonald

Bands – Some Skeletons, When A Train Hits A Truck, Worselings, Fresh Eyes For The Dead Guy
Release – Notts In Space EP
Label – None, self-released
Date – Now! Available from the Notts In Space bandcamp via download or CD.
Sounds like – One small step for man, several giant riffs for rock kind.

-

Back in April, a group of like-minded individuals decided to host a ‘launch’ party in Nottingham at the Chameleon Arts Café to promote all things ‘Space’-themed (so as you can imagine, ‘Neighbourhood’, ‘Female of the Species’ and that other song that Liverpudlian band released were featured heavily) The reason? To celebrate 50 years of man in space. They even roped in Steven Hawking for this trailer for fucks sake. Now, that’s commitment – what have you done lately, huh? Bet you haven’t run a successful Space-themed party and put out a split EP featuring 4 local bands, all contributing new tracks themed around the magic of….SPACE.

Also, the title of the event; ‘The Difference Between Me and Yuri is I’m Notts In Space’ – absolute genius.

There’s a rich warmness about Some Skeletons – their sound is a wonderfully crisp roar of crashing guitars and scattered drum rolls. There’s an early 90s emo vibe about ‘Author’ without it being too stressed and whiny. Instead, it’s incredibly thoughtful, with a heavy, Mineral-style blast of intensity at the start and the last 40 seconds of Amplifier space rock breakdown. Based around the lifecycle of the sun, ‘Author’ finds great strength, not just only in it’s noisy, alternative rock but also in the overlapping vocal melodies and jangling, somewhat scuzzy guitar lines. There’s a touch of Small Brown Bike in their delivery, as well as a keen earnest nature in the vocals, which at times sound quite fragile, but somehow work nicely with the swooping rush of their post-hardcore riffs. I just wish I could fully understand what the last few lines actually say at the end of the track; which reads something like:

“With the power to crush all remnants of my birth all through and into the earth” – which states quite clearly, how much some of us probably underestimate the power of the sun.

There’s a great sense of childhood innocence and nostalgia woven into ‘Making Spaceships’ by three-piece, When A Train Hits A Truck. The song is essentially about constructing lego spaceships, the trials and tribulations of following the sometimes less than helpful instructions and the nature of creating something to wave around your head and make “pow pow!” noises with. Musically, it’s a pop-punk bounce of energized rock that utilizes a good mix of overlapping dual vocal shouts, scuzzy, yet sturdy basslines and a slightly sardonic view on both vocalists’ abilities in constructing a battle cruiser out of building blocks. Kudos to WATHAT for writing a deeply infectious chorus; the soaring “we will fly through bedrooms skies….to…god knows where!” is one refrain you will have trouble removing from your brain.

Worselings sound like they’re trying to remove something nasty from the soles of their shoes. Not only is there a sneer in the delivery of their acid-tongued vocalist, but also in their music, which is fairly jagged and intense. It’s a stabbing, spiky rattle of disenchanted and quite stark sounding heavy rock. Their track, ‘Lost Cosmonaut’ is spat at the listener rather than sung, especially on the chorus, where the track title, is spluttered out through a strangled half-scream of disgust. It even starts off annoyed – “don’t think you’re something special, don’t think you are the first…you were just the lucky one….” with Worselings doing their best Falco impression of comic revulsion. The track is apparently based on the many unsuccessful fatal launch attempts that preceded Yuri Gagarin’s trip into space. Dense, Therapy? Meets Future of the Left metallic punk and possibly my favourite track on this EP.

Apparently, the handclaps were the hardest part on ‘When Gravity Goes’ by Fresh Eyes For the Dead Guy. Similar to Worselings, Fresh Eyes, sound increasingly bitter, with their music assaulting the listener in a much crisper, but still equally sharper manner. Kindred spirits – there’s some nice Drive Like Jehu elements present; it weaves and contorts with similar urgency to Froberg’s band of post-punk legends and the vocals are barked with that familiar spite and delirious fever. The structure of quiet/loud builds, not to mention the scrappy, noise breakdown halfway through is reminiscent of These Arms Are Snakes, especially the cry of “UNITS OF DISTANCE, UNITS OF TIME!” Jagged, determined and frightfully chaotic punk that scythes and roars with malevolent gusto.

-

You can buy ‘Notts In Space’ from the bandcamp site here. Also, check out the Some Skeletons ‘Kypes | Pests | Throats’
 EP, When A Train Hits A Truck’s ‘Special Dice’ EP, ‘The Angry Hum’ by Worselings and ‘Triceratops‘ by Fresh Eyes For The Dead Guy.

Links

Some Skeletons

When A Train Hits A Truck

Worselings

Fresh Eyes For The Dead Guy

-

By Ross Macdonald

Twin Atlantic – The Ghost of Eddie
This actually gets better with repeated listens – at first, it’s kind of flat and a bit ‘rock by numbers’; but it’s a real grower. There’s some storming moments, especially the crunching last minute and a half, which lurches with a Pulled Apart By Horses, grungy strut of sporadic power.

We Are The Ocean – Overtime Is A Crime
This is about the 3rd time We Are The Ocean have appeared on one of these compilations and this is easily their best effort. Less grunge and more big Alexisonfire-soaring choruses, non-existent screams and instead opting for a twisting groove arranged around some good-overlapping dual vocal barks and succeed in delivering some excellent post-hardcore and a brilliantly infectious sing-a-long chorus.

Title Fight – Shed
Great lipsy, rasping voice on the vocalist of Title Fight. He doesn’t so much shout the words, as splutter them out with a confusing amalgamation of disgust and zest. There’s moments of early 90s emo rock, spliced with an obvious disgruntled Hot Water Music-ish scrape. “SHED YOUR SKIN, FIND A BETTER BODY TO FIT IN!” – Ticks the right boxes on feeling socially awkward at least.

Small Brown Bike – Sleep River Sleep
Ah man, Small Brown Bike are back together, sweet! Yeah so this doesn’t disappoint. Big swooping choruses of feel-good emo; some nice dual vocals taking precedent, alongside an uplifting sensibility and some fuzzy guitar lines backed by a strong rhythm section.

Balance and Composure – Quake
Not a re-imagining of a popular first-person shooter soundtrack then – *stops paging Trent Reznor*. Balance and Compsure match up two conflicting styles – at times, they sound quite lethargic, yet ‘Quake’ is an angry, bitter-sounding track and the vocalist, despite his drawling tones, matches a drunken, dreamy inflection with some harsh vocal yelps alongside crushing rock in the vein of Taking Back Sunday.

This Will Destroy You – Communal Blood
3 minutes in and this just starts to get going – milking it much guys? Distorted, completely incomprehensible post-rock meets noise chaos; would perhaps slot nicely in on the Gears of War 3 soundtrack. Then again, it sounds like they’re completely ripping off Martin O’Donnell, but have made everything that bit louder and drenched in more feedback.

The Cape Race – Barcelona
Absolutely massive sounding this – but that ever-so-sugary sweet that it just doesn’t settle right. If it was any more polished, the light bouncing off this would burn straight through your retinas. Confident, booming vocals backed by some tight, meticulous indie-rock, but all feels a bit ‘haven’t we heard this before?’ At least they’ve got the gusto and they actually sound like they mean and believe it and not ‘by the numbers.’

The Computers – Cinco De Mayo
Something that actually sounds and feels like a punch in the face. The Computers play gritty, malicious punk rock that leans heavily on that Swami sound, mixed with a scuzzy, rockabilly tone. Vocally, it sounds like Tom Hudson of Pulled Apart By Horses after several bottles of scotch and an all day screaming contest fronting a Turbo A.C.’s covers band. An excellent, strutting racket of sneering, quiff-driven punk.

Young Legionnaire – Chapter, Verse
Hey, it’s Paul Mullen from yourcodenameis:milo! Ah, those vocals…he sings like someone’s who’s incredibly disappointed with his target, but loves them at the same time. Kind of a bitter kindness. ‘Chapter, Verse’ by this new Mullen project (featuring the bassist from Bloc Party) sounds….well, like milo really; somewhat heavier in places – also has that same crunching guitar whine from ‘All Roads Lead To Fault’ for some reason and has moments of Amplifier space-rock pretensions.

Page 44 – Answers
Struggled to get through the vocals on this – they did get better, but it sounded like he was swallowing his tongue to begin with. Incredibly tired-sounding, plodding indie-landfill, with few redeeming features, although the breakdown near the end saves it from being completely tedious. Also, the EP that this comes from features THREE different versions of this song for some bizarre reason.

Skindred – Game Over
“GAME OVER, MASTER CONTROLLER!” Props to Skindred; they surprised me with their excellent live show at Slam Dunk last year and this from their new album, ‘Union Black’, is damn impressive. A cluster-blast of metallic punk rock, odd sampling and synth bleeps, coupled with Benji’s quick-fire rap attack. Nu-metal nu-reggae survivors are indeed victorious!

Revoker – Thief
Speaking of nu-metal….why bands feel they need to breathe fresh life into this scene…god knows. Now, I’m a massive apologist of the genre, but it sounded good BACK THEN and is best as a nostalgia tool. There’s some good riffs here mind and the kind of hilarious ‘macho sweary’ lyrics that The Union Underground would probably enjoy.

Social Suicide – The Last Martyrs
There’s about 4 bands called Social Suicide – Jesus Christ guys, pick a unique name or something. Anyway, THIS Social Suicide are from Norway – don’t expect another KVELERTAK though (sadly) as they sing in English. This has an edge over most hardcore though; it sounds pretty damn scratchy – distorted bass, clattering, tinny drum hits with some nice mathy-parts, gang-vocals aplenty and the feeling that it was recorded on a pirate ship, although I can’t explain why.

DeafHeaven – Violet (Edit)
A complete curbstomp of thrashed to death, black metal chaos chucked into a twister and then recorded near a thunderstorm. Epic destruction.

-
Links
See above (note, And So I Watch You From Afar were featured on this, but as I’ve reviewed the album already I didn’t see the need to talk about ‘Search.Party.Animal’ again, even though it is AWESOME.
-
By Ross Macdonald

Band – And So I Watch You From Afar
Album – Gangs
Label – Richter Collective
Release date – Out Now
Sounds like – 7 Billion People All Playing Instruments At Once; GANG.
-
“This record exists because of people….these people keep us breathing, keep us inspired and allow this band to exist”

Seriously, it has to be And So I Watch You From Afar’s year by now. Tours with Clutch, Envy, High On Fire, 65daysofstatic, Oceansize, Trash Talk. Playing over 170 gigs all over Europe in 2009, releasing an excellent debut album, with a superb follow-up EP in 2010, not to mention playing SXSW festival, Lowlands, Pukkelpop, Sonisphere, Oxegen, Electric Picnic and being chosen as the main support for Them Crooked Vultures – these guys should be dominating. Hopefully, ‘Gangs’ will be that album to thrust guitarists Rory Friers and Tony Wright, bassist Johnny Adger and drummer Chris Wee into even more of a blinding spotlight.

The thing to draw from ‘Gangs’ is a sense of great accomplishment. A sense of achievement; it’s an album built from and about victory. It’s victory in the sense the album exists. That they had the chance and the ability to release more music, it’s victorious music in that it actually lifts your spirits; it makes you feel alive, it makes you feel like you could do anything, be anything.

The first track, ‘BEAUTIFULUNIVERSEMASTERCHAMPION’ exemplifies the triumphant nature of this record. In fact, in an interview with Rock Sound on the album, the band explain how they picked the four most uplifting and triumphant words for the title just to give it that extra fist-punch of complete and utter success. I love the fact it begins with a shout, followed by a cheer – it’s like having the sound of a guitar being plugged in on a Keane album. It’s a life-affirming opener; grandiose, over-powering drumbeats, wide, exuberant riffs, that sense of being, well….a champion – being a winner. Even the builds in-between – all fast-paced guitar noodling backed by a steady beat that grows and grows, before exploding in a shower of glorious, submerging sound. It’s this positive, majestic cascade that acts as a superb introduction to ‘Gangs’.

‘Gang (Starting Never Stopping)’ has to be the fastest track recorded by the Irish four-piece. Despite clocking in at just over five and a half minutes, it doesn’t outstay its welcome. The choppy guitar lines and half tribal, half-thrash drum blasts give it a frantic and fearful intensity. It has a vibrant, unhinged chaos; part math-rock, with elements of punk but yet a progressive dip, where it spirals and contorts into this tilting behemoth of compact energy. The bit where it all fades into the background, like someone re-tuning a radio, before the dial is re-spun and it all kicks back in is a stroke of genius.

There’s something fairly sinister about ‘Search:Party:Animal’; which really does feel like it is sound-tracking some kind of gritty investigation, yet doesn’t hold all the key facts, despite being on the cusp of realization. It’s a heavy and laborious weight of sound; metallic guitar screeches overlaying post-rock shudders and a progressive lurch of encumbering noise. There’s elements of Amplifier-style space rock, visions of a collapsing wormhole during the moments when the guitars bend and twist, with sharp, erratic force. Without words, ‘Search.Party.Animal’ manages to scream the loudest on ‘Gangs’; it’s an unholy, cosmic roar of accomplishment and sinister urging.

It wouldn’t be an And So I Watch You From Afar album without some chanting: ‘7 Billion People All Alive At Once’ is a song about the world. Beginning at a slightly muted pace, some eloquent drum rolls, crisp guitar plucking and a sweeping build that rushes forward; rushes with the speed of being dragged from the sea, being suddenly shocked awake, feeling yourself drop, leaving your stomach behind on a rollercoaster – it rushes to meet you, sounding strangely classical, theatrical and heavy all at the same time. The “bahhh baaahs!” give it an anthemic, fist-in-the-air chant of brotherhood, companionship but more importantly, it makes the listener feel like they belong; they become part of the music, they’re part of and are…the Gang. That’s what this second album is all about, it’s about uniting people, it’s about friendship – it’s about becoming a unit, forming together as one – it’s about being….well….a Gang (and I’m spelling that with a capital because that’s how it is.)

The completely Schizophrenic nature of ‘Think:Breathe:Destroy’ is yet another endorphin rush. Past the 3:30 mark, it completely takes off – furiously determined thrashy rock music that is quite simply, spellbinding. It doesn’t just make you feel good, it makes you feel on top of the world, like nothing can defeat you – it’s winning. The spiraling sprint of sound is quite simply bull versus china shop, with the bull always coming out the victor. Blisters on your fingers drumming? Check. Relentless, uncompromising pounding from stickman Christopher Wee, who buries the rest of his band members with his monstrous beats.

‘Homes – Ghost Parlor KA-6 to…Samara To Belfast’ is a 13 minute piece split into 2 parts. The first, is just under 3 minutes of emotive and somewhat bizarre, world music-style tweeking  and twiddling. Here, And So I Watch You From Afar have a chance to spread their sound. Gone is that density – they seem to welcome a softer melody that holds an ethereal concept as well as a dream-like wash of colourful tone. The second half is a mind-bending experimentation of sounds. ‘Samara To Belfast’ slaps so much of the raw aggression of Baltimore’s OXES it’s uncanny, yet the Irish boys manage to craft that unhinged math-rock style into their own image – a headstrong rush of spirited optimism and suitably crushing riffage.

Closing track ‘Lifeproof’ is a flourishing post-rock climax of overlapping noise. It gradually rises and rises to a destructive crescendo, striving to be something that is the be all and end all. It’s another case of And So I Watch You From Afar pushing their sound to the very limit; like having a jet engine blasted in your face, it strips away everything. It sounds like a closer, the way it rattles and hums with such pulsating intensity. The last 40 seconds or so fade out into what sounds like a rowdy marching band celebrating becoming true champions – a perfect and unpredictable coda.

You want a conclusion? I’m out of words – I’m out of synonyms – how about: ‘SUPERHYPERACTIVEEPICWINNER‘? Doesn’t do it justice really. ‘Gangs‘ is the best album I have heard all year; staggering beyond belief – this record takes you on a journey – through blissful destruction to a euphoric high of cascading riffs, hyperactive musicianship and leaves you with a sense of being undefeatable.

“This is for all the gangs we’ve met along the way and all the gangs we’re still to meet.”

-

Links

And So I Watch You From Afar
And So I Watch You From Afar Tumblr
Richter Collective

-

By Ross Macdonald

Band – Arms & The Man
EP – Arms & The Man
Label – Scylla Records
Release date – May 30th
Sounds like – Your buddies saying ‘hey’, stage-diving and bro-core party anthems.

-

Chances are those of you familiar with the Beds and Herts circuit will known who Arms & The Man are – or at the very least seen them demolishing your local pub/house/respectable music venue. If not,  you’ve probably been living under a rock, yeah?
You know how Pulled Apart By Horses sound like one big epic party train; all high fives, stage dives? Arms & The Man take that template, smash it to pieces, burn the ashes and build a party fortress on the smouldering remains. Despite the somewhat cavalier attitude as displayed in their press release, it’s clear that this EP is something that all five members have poured a lot of time and effort into creating. Yet, the three songs present on this self-titled effort are so cocksure, so laden with swagger and Henry Winkler thumbs-up, finger-gun coolness, it’s difficult to wipe the massive grin that will slowly spread across your face as the tracks burrow their way into your subconscious.

It’s a sum of many parts; bordering styles clashing together to create some kind of unholy raucous rock n roll destruction machine. First track, ‘Guitarmageddon’ is straight out of the ‘Gutter Phenomenon’-era Every Time I Die rulebook. From the fairly dense opening bombardment of the taunt bass and drum crash, coupled with the sturdy, grinding guitar lines, the vocals punch through the mix like a rasping drunkard, hollering for his next fix. As quickly as it begins, everything is shifted up a gear to a lurching and somewhat stocky clunk of filthy stoner rock as the vocals dip from enraged screams, to moments of sporadic melody and then back to a Matt Caughthran-style bark. Arms & The Man embrace a “fuck it, let’s party” attitude and seem to try and jam as many fist-in-the-air choruses as possible.

This EP is basically a taunt – an arrogant, goading sneer at other bands and you can tell Arms & The Man are loving every minute of it. “So I read the blog about your band man, and it appears to me, you would kill for the fuckin’ swagger that we’ve got…” roars vocalist Ben Davies, high on his own giddy boastfulness and especially so when he screams “HAS YOUR BAND GOT ANY RIFFS?” and is greeted with a resounding “NO!” from the rest of the A&TM boys. It’s fantastically egotistical and supremely awesome. The finishing breakdown and cry of “DANCE MOTHER-FUCKERS, DANCE MOTHER FUCKERS COME ON!” is a resounding slab of pure groove-metal beatdown.

‘Riffalanche’ twists and turns with such chaotic precision; yet despite its raw heaviness, it still sounds like the most fun in the world. Like Kvelertak, they’ve created metal that makes you want to embrace people instead of punch them. A combination of bro-core high-fives, with a hilarious poser attitude that oozes confidence from every riff, every drum beat, every time a proud line is spat, you just want to grab the nearest person in a bear hug and force them to jump around on the spot until they can’t feel their own legs and are grinning as wide as you are.

‘Stay Down, Hitchin’ is Fu Manchu-meets The Bronx, swinging from a slick stoner groove to barbed punk rock rasps. “WE MAKE MUSIC, FROM THE HEART AND SOUL!” screams Davies and you can tell the boy means it. There’s a touch of Baroness-riffage in the way the track kicks into a higher gear, sliding into a filthier southern-rock vibe.

So much confidence bleeds from Arms & The Man; it’s scary. It’s as if they’ve smoked a load of weed made out of Jeff Winger’s hair and ingested his “It’s clear from looking at me, that I am awesome” attitude – but the thing is, they can pull it off. Why? Because their music speaks it in volumes, through the impenetrable breeze-block thick grooves, through to the punk-meets-hardcore swagger, Swami-guitar licks and that ever-so-noticeable aroma of desert rock; Arms & The Man have earned the right to be this cocky, because not only have they got the attitude; they’ve got the tunes to back it up and it’s not only refreshing, but essential.

-

Links

Arms & The Man
Arms & The Man Facebook
Scylla Records

Pre-order ‘Arms & The Man’ here.

-

By Ross Macdonald

Right, time for a general round up post of stuff that’s filtered into the old inbox over the last month or so. Regular posts/updates will be going ahead as normal in a few days due to upcoming holiday time.

-

Band – Komondor
Album – A Giant Is Coming & The Giant Is Going To Kill You
Label – none, unsigned
Release date – August 2010
Sounds like – doom metal ultimate beatdown

-

Komondor are three dudes from NY who have all tuned their instruments to the lowest and most dense setting possible. It’s not totally noise rock, as there is actually moments of melody and structure present; it’s more a quite harrowing bombardment of impenetrable riffs and down-tuned grind. Komondor actually remind me of Chickenhawk a lot. There’s that same uneasiness when listening to them. Everything sounds like it’s been drenched in some toxic sludge. The vocals are almost incomprehensible and are akin to that of the medicine drinking man who stands outside the bottle bank, shouting. It’s as if the medicine swilling freak has wandered into the recording session, grabbed a microphone and added an unfathomable and lengthy diatribe of nonsense and slurred utterances, before sloping off. The band is then left to cut up what’s been said and scatter it about their raucous chaos with glee.
There’s also similarities with the now defunct Cherubs; a noise rock band from Texas who I really struggle to listen to due to the utterly terrifying and uneasy feeling of their music. Komondor have moments like this. On ‘Intermissent’ (an obvious stop-gap filler track); it sounds like someone being tortured using a drill, thumb screws and a broken piano. In some sick way; I like it though. I swear the vocalist is screaming “I CAN’T STOP BLEEDING!” though, which is somewhat distressing.
The metallic bark of ‘Brown Pool’ is a taunt piece of musical bile; whilst ‘Decompensating’ rings with an almost Harvey Milk-air of disgust and rejection; switching nicely between galloping stoner-metal and the grinding crunch of disappointment and hate. ‘Migration of Eels’ goes punk rock at the end; scratching and writhing to finish in a flurry of mangled blast beats and strained guitar growls.

Komondor create a fairly unpleasant, yet brilliantly controlled and focused racket that feels a bit like Cult of Luna covering Harvey Milk songs. Despicable sludge-metal overload that I strongly recommend.

Links

Komondor Myspace
Komondor Bandcamp

-

Artist – Mike Scott
EP – And A Master Of None
Label – Disconnect Disconnect Records
Release date – 30th August
Sounds Like – acoustic punk rock from the heart

-

Mike Scott is a veteran. He’s fought long and hard (that’s what SHE said) in the punk rock underground as the co-frontman and bassist for Brighton’s Phinius Gage, a skate punk band that had moderate success in the realms of Deck Cheese Records. Since Phinius Gage’s hiatus 2 years ago, Scott is now a solo artist, following in the footsteps of Frank Turner and co; peddling down the path of acoustic punk rock, yet still retaining the melody that existed in his previous band’s output.
‘….And A Master Of None’ is Scott’s third release (preceding ‘At The Slaughter House’ and his split with Kevin Seconds) containing five tracks, two of which are covers. It should be noted that Scott has an interesting voice and frankly, thank god. He has a listless almost drawling twang to his voice, content to slur quite sullenly through his songs in an incredibly casual attitude. ‘Follow The Leader’ is a prime example of this sullen, almost condescending tone. The lyrics offer a love/hate aspect as Scott expresses in his own words; “admiration and disdain” for the outside world. The light-female backing vocals contain a slight Irish twang and work nicely in conjunction with Scott’s effortless drawl of non-conformity. ‘Jack of All Trades’ has a lighter, folk-twang to it, with the vocals seemingly less condescending and more sorrowful, combined with some haunted background wails. It’s a simple, quite hollow track more in the vein of William Elliott Whitmore in style and approach. His cover of Neil Diamond’s ‘Solitary Man’ is decent and slightly distressing – gone is the weird, misplaced jaunt of the original. Scott’s approach is more melodramatic and laced with regret, his voice wavering and cracking near the end.
The break up/Prayer To God-style song appears in the form of ‘It’s My Job To Disappoint’ – which is a mock apology message stating “sorry, I won’t be playing that song tonight, I’m playing something you’ve never heard” – whether this is a spiteful shout-out to an ex-lover or someone that has betrayed Scott remains to be seen, but the venom is in the right place.
The final track is a cover of a Kevin Seconds song; ‘Extra Something’ as is the most upbeat and swaggering track on this EP. Whilst Scott’s voice suits the melancholy utterances of the down-trodden man, he really finds his voice on this cover when he swings into it. There’s gusto and bravado in his inflection, despite the song being about a failed relationship it touches a nerve of being both downhearted but with that “fuck it, move on” attitude that only a deadpan snarker of a voice like Scott’s can pull off.

For those wondering what happened to that bloke from that band named after some dude who got a large iron rod through the head and survived or if you just fancy hearing some decent, emotive acoustic punk rock, then Mike Scott is worth your time. The EP is available on bandcamp for whatever price you want.

-

Links

Mike Scott
Mike Scott Myspace
Disconnect Disconnect Band Camp

-

By Ross Macdonald

Greetings loyal Keep It Fast readers. As some of you maybe aware, the site hasn’t been updated over the last 20 days due to the following factors:

1. I’ve been on holiday in South Africa for the last 2 weeks.
2. Jason is lazy git.

However, after an 11 hour car journey, followed by a 10 hour flight, plus thousands and thousands of minutes of sitting around in terminals/taxis I am safely home, not daring to go to sleep, lest it ruin my sleep pattern forever and still taking Malarone tablets, even though I’m no longer in the land of insects that are about the size of your hand.

The last fortnight has been both a blur and a lifetime; what with my cousin’s (incredible) wedding at the beginning, right the way through to the epic car journeys, breathtaking views, spending days touring Kruger Park for animals – as well as hanging out with a terrific bunch of people.

-

Highlights:

- The pilot announcing that we started with 309 people on the flight and their still being 309 people on board once we reached Joberg airport. Oh those wacky Virgin airplane chaps.
- Franschhoek being just a lovely, lovely place – both the scenery and people.
- Alcohol being dirt cheap (I reckon you could get smashed for under a tenner. Some drinks were 15 Rand, which is about £1.)
- The wedding being amazing – e.g. the church back door having to be kicked down by 2 guys called Chad and Blyde because the janitor had gone awol and there was no spare key. Also: fire dancers, Traditional African band, reception outside under palm trees, me getting thoroughly ruined on tequila.
- The food and accomodation (apart from the place with no carpets or doors) being top notch everywhere.
- Having brais (BBQs) most nights.
- Climbing Table Mountain in just under 2 hours with my uncle, cousin and friends of the family.
- Seeing my Uncle Richard in trouble on 2 separate, yet hilarious occasions involving Tipit and Texas Hold ‘Em.
- The elephant sanctuary being a fascinating experience.
- Going on the longest zip line in South Africa and not falling off.
- The barman of the Elephant and Barrel not caring that one of our party had flooded his pub and still continued to pour us drinks. 
- Wine tasting at some posh lodge.
- Getting some ace pictures of The Cape of Good Hope.
- Penguin sanctuary = hilarity for 10 Rand (70p)
- Being shown around Robben Island by a guy named Sparks.
- The Mac Mac pools being the best places to swim ever. (Boiling hot day + coldish water + warm waterfall = win.)
- Going to the Shanagana Cultural Village to experience the evening festival in the Kraal of Chief Soshangana. (Traditional South African dancing, music, audience participation was encouraged, meeting the Chief, the medicine man and some great characters.)
- Going on safari in Kruger Park and seeing wild elephant, giraffe, rhino, zebra, impala, hyena, hippo, monkey, reedbuck, waterbuck, crocodile, kudu, wildebeest, buffalo and various exotic birds.
- The bat loft at Satara.
- The service and the flight back to the UK being better than the flight out to Joberg.

-

Lowlights:

- Having to travel for over 28 hours non-stop over this weekend = hell.
- Feeling like crap most of Monday due to excessive partying at the Wedding the night before.
- The cage shark diving day being completely rubbish (the drive there, the experience, the shark making a brief cameo appearance then never returning, and the unrelenting wave of nausea on the boat = utter bobbins.)
- Not seeing the big 5 at Kruger (The lion and leopard were all sadly missing in action.)

Apart from the few minor niggles, it was the best holiday I have ever been on and an experience I will no doubt bore for England about, although my dad is currently leading in this category with his 4 cameras worth of macro close-ups of bugs and sunsets on different settings.

Stay tuned for a feature on the South African music scene very soon and some more pictures; hopefully of animals.

-

By Ross Macdonald