Band – Arnocorps
EP – I’m Ballsy
Label – Anticulture/Vulcan Sky Records
Release date – June 2009 (yeah, late review)
Sounds like – every time you hear Arnold Schwarzenegger scream “GOOOO!” followed by an explosion. Then several more explosions.

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Having exhausted nearly all the Arnold Schwarzenegger films by over ‘eggering’ (doesn’t work) the basket on their debut album, ‘The Greatest Band Of All Time’ you could be forgiven for thinking that Arnocorps had run out of material. Fear not, they still have some tricks or should I say songs, up the sleeves of their combat fatigues. Whilst ‘Twins’ and thankfully, ‘Junior’ have failed to make the transition from screen to their new EP; such films as ‘Kindergarten Cop’, ‘Red Heat’ and ‘Terminator 2’ make the cut, as does a re-recording of the song ‘Terminator’ from their first release.

There’s nothing remotely clever about Arnocorps music, except perhaps the ability to match film dialogue/plot lines with a coherent tune – a skill in which they are at the forefront and the true undisputed masters. At first, there seems very little change from 2005’s ‘The Greatest Band Of All Time’ – it’s the trademark sound; fast, aggressive faux-Austrian rock that slams into your ears with relentless force. However, the subtle differences start to break through, like that scene in ‘The Terminator’ where the shoddy-looking animatronic puppet tries to break through the factory door. They seem to have reigned in a lot more of the scrappier sounding, throw-away guitar parts, opting for a tighter, more focussed metallic attack. Holzfeuer’s vocals are a barbed, ferocious instrument of bellowing noise, whilst the dual guitar attack of Barrakuda and Klampfe deviates into classic rock and 70s metal fury.

Opening track ‘I’m Ballsy’ is, in Holzfeuer’s immortal words, “a goddamn anthem of our generation right here…” and he’s not wrong. Note to bands: this is how you open a record. No plagiarised samples, no electronic ambient bullshit 1-minute fade-in load of granny cock; you need your singer bellowing about what a massive studly bastard he is and what cigars he smokes. This could well one of the most perfect songs ever – it’s incorrigible, pummelling punk-rock nature, coupled with self-appraising vocals of grandeur, some terrific backing vocals and a chorus that latches on to you with a force equal to that of a Terminator back-hand through a brick wall. ‘I’m Ballsy’ is the kind of song that leaves you breathless, with the same “what the fuck” feeling that John Connor no doubt felt after being lifted one-handed off his pushbike by a square-chinned, shotgun totting man in black leathers. ‘Red Heat’ follows a similar path; – it’s 3 minutes of Zeke-inspired speed-punk rumbles past a breath-taking rate. The rhythmic hammer of the brothers Alder (Gellend on drums and Toten on bass) pounds through this Russian buddy-cop film with thunderous intent, whilst Holzfeuer rattles off quick lyrical jabs, chanting at the end for us to “FEEL THE BURN! FEEL RED HEAT!”

Whether they know or reference it as an influence or not, The Ramones play a part in the Arnocorps sound, particularly on ‘You Lack Discipline.’ From the shrill piercing whistle opening and the rollicking drum roll, to the skate-punk rush of clattering guitars; the spirit of Joey, Dee Dee and the others lives on in the form of 5 burly action adventure rock ‘n roll heroes. It’s hard not to raise a smile to the lyrics, which reference one particular cinematic outing, which featured the governor of California teaching a bunch of toddlers how to march, tidy up their mess, look after ferrets and dismantle machine guns (ok not this). The very fact they managed to shoe-horn in the “IT IS NOT A TUMOR!” line, singles the anthemic ‘You Lack Discipline’ as one of the best tracks the ‘Corps have ever released. Holzfeuer exhibits the kind of pent-up rage that any drill instructor has, and expels it with such fever-soaked tgusto, it’s hard not to begin chanting along, fist in the air, screaming for “DISCIPLINE!”

The re-recorded version of ‘Terminator’ (original features on TGBOAL); is obviously present to tie in with the 4th film of the ‘brain-destroying-paradox’ that the Schwarzenegger series has now become, despite the fact the big man himself is only present as a computer generated visage. The drumming appears faster and more focused, whilst Holzfeuer’s growl is stronger than ever, showing how his vocal range has achieved a grittier, vicious bloodlust of fury. ‘Judgement Day’ is ‘Terminator’s’ brother-in-arms; and whilst retaining the same speed-punk romp, there’s a distinct amount of melody particularly in the opening 30 seconds, which chug at a sturdy, unbalanced pace. The lyrics obviously detail the plot of T2; “I need your boots, your clothes….and your motorcycle!” and the chorus of “chill out, dickwad…a storm is coming on Judgement Day!” A heroic mid-air arm-wrestle of pure ballsy determination is raised for the guitars, which squeal with cock-rock exuberance and the kind of headbang-demanding enthusiasm that cannot be faulted. As a nice touch, Holzfeuer also references the ‘rescue squad’ from the ‘Predator‘ film; something that he no doubt attributes the band to be, due to their preference of combat fatigues. ‘Rise of the Machines’ rounds of proceedings with a sturdy, yet desolate sounding piece that whilst to all appearances is a driving, metallic-rock number, seems to detail a hopeless and fearful future of our planet consumed by automation.

‘The Ballsy’ EP is a welcomed return from one of the most exciting and interesting hard-rock bands around; proof that goddamn heroes still exist; it’s the perfect soundtrack to enjoy alongside the following activities:

Pumping iron
Smoking stogies
Carrying logs on your damn shoulder
Scaling a cliff
Throwing a boulder

Get Ballsy!
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Links

Arnocorps
ArnoMyspace
Vulcan Sky Records
Anti Culture

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By Ross Macdonald

Updates will be more regular I promise once the backlog of stuff I’m supposed to be reviewing arrives (i.e. once I get round to adding them to my basket on Amazon, or some nice record labels bung some stuff my way). For now, he’s a Rock Sound CD breakdown. Also, my xbox bricked it a few weeks ago, which left me in Minor Threat-mode.

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Bring Me The Horizon – Football Season Is Over (After The Night Remix)

Bring Me The Horizon have always appeared to be style over substance, no doubt caused by the ‘outrageously wacky’ antics of the tattooed gremlin that fronts them. This appears to be a re-cut version of one of their ‘songs’, with the addition of some nice choppy beats and ‘WOWOWOW’ synth thumping. It’s not bad actually, but didn’t Enter Shikari already do this? The screaming is still abhorrent though – sounds like trollman is vomiting up his pancreas.

Thrice – All The World Is Mad

Thrice went through this big change recently, ditching all their shouty, fast hardcore tunes for a slower, more methodical approach and this is just another example of their transition. Despite the guitars sounding tinny as fuck, the vocals show progression from nonsensical barking, focussing more on melody and keeping in time with the progressive nature of this track.

Every Time I Die – Wanderlust

More KFC finger-lickin’ good RAWK from Every Time I Die; perfect for backwards-baseball cap wearing rednecks speeding down some barren motorway, hollering like brain-damaged monkeys. The vocals are spot on and whilst the music appears somewhat pedestrian and restrained for ETID, it does the job in being suitably obnoxious.

Sights & Sounds – Neighbours

Sadly not a reworking of the popular theme from the Australian soap of the same name. Instead this channels monolithic amounts of washing noise with shuddering, heavy rock and Dave Grohl-style wailing. Superb, with some nice swirling keyboard raking splutters at the end.

Twin Atlantic – What Is Light? Where Is Laughter?

Sean Connery would love this. Scottish to the max, with the kind of whisky-soaked vocals and grandiose-bastard chunks of heavy rock that slams down harder and faster than those blockers in Bowser’s Castle. Melodic in just the right places and guitar-twiddling thumps of noise in others – brilliant work.

All Time Low – Lost In Stereo

Whilst the chorus lords itself like some 500Fft destructo-bot of doom, you could land on it’s head, twist the ear flap back and find some tiny feeble-bodied sprite working the levers and fiddling with the dials. Impressive from the outside; the loud, plodding, heavy pop-punk tries to make an impact, but is lost by being utterly soulless and bereft of any feeling.

Chuck Ragan – Glory

It’s the guy out of Hot Water Music! Sounding like ZZ Top when they did that folky-Western version of ‘Doubleback’ for Back To The Future III; Chuck injects his own throaty baritone to the mix of acoustic strumming and jaunty violins. His voice is the true stand-out ‘instrument’ however, touching on William Elliott Whitmore-style blues that bleeds with the similar passion, warmth and sense of loss. Best track so far.

Frank Turner – Try This At Home

Frank Turner’s gone punk again! Well, cow-punkish. Alright, so it’s a swaggering, fast acoustic-folky affair that seems to hark back to his Million Dead ways in its sense of urgency and the very nature of self-referencing the pressures of being a musician. Possibly the strongest track I’ve heard from him since his MD days.

Memphis May Fire – North Atlantic Vs North Carolina

Never heard of them – but it’s cool to have ‘fire’ in your band name now. It’s the new ‘wolf’. This could literally be anyone from the American post-hardcore community; it’s so interchangeable. I think He Is Legend have already done this – bit of screaming, clean vocals, Guns ‘N Roses style guitar solo at 2 minute mark, more screaming – END.

Blackhole – Don’t Cry

For a band that’s supposed to be more hardcore than eating a bowl of gravel, mixed with acid and drizzled with broken glass, it’s an incredibly sappy track title. It also feels like a bad radio edit in that just as finally chugs into gear with some credible guitar shredding it ends with one of those “dunna, naaa nnnnowwwwwww” finishes that I swear were phased out about 10 years ago. Solid though, but for the love of god MORE BACKING VOCALS.

Donots – Pick Up The Pieces

“What the hell are we waiting for?” Shout Donots. Something that doesn’t sound like it fell off the backend of the My Chemical Romance bandwagon that shot through this no-horse town about 5 years ago. Turgid.

Megadeth – Head Crusher

Like you actually need to be told how totally awesome this. It’s MEGADETH people, they’re like the best band ever you utter shower cap.

Dead By April – Stronger

Yo Dead By April, I’m happy for you, and I really dig your screaming and elaborately wanky keyboard pounding and I’m going to let you finish, but my song that was also called ‘Stronger’ is one of the best songs of all time.

The Black Dahlia Murder – A Selection Unnatural

Salacious B. Crumb has decided that the Star Wars Cantina band and Jabba’s House band should ditch the spacey, keyboard led bobbins and take up death metal thrash. What you’re left with is a squawking monkey-lizard noise over waves of extremely furious guitar twanging and rapid double-bass drum rolls.

Evile – Infected Nation

Not sure if you pronounce the ‘e’ on the end. “Evileeeeee”? Sounds shit. During the first minute, the drumming sounds distorted beyond repair, like a chewed up tape-recording. No-one really needs to hear this – sub-par metal, tedious guitars and a vocalist who seems to think shouting like a medicine swigging homeless alcoholic that stands outside bottle banks is ‘singing’. Get bent.

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Links

As above – I have to go now, my planet needs me.

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By Ross Macdonald

Band – Dorian Gay
EP – Dog City
Release date – now
Label – What Would Henry Rollins Do? Records (self released)
Sounds like – Scholastic Deth if they tuned their instruments and wrote about Nintendo, shit and dead cats.

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First things first, the idea of living in a city run and full of dogs scares the shit out of me. I know people drone on about them being man’s best friend; well not to this man they’re not. Secondly, the title ‘Dog City’ is punk as fuck. It has that element of strays and wastrels, rotting down side alleys, dishevelled appearances and an attitude problem that ranges from psychotic to murderous. Thirdly, if there ever was a film made about a city where dogs become the supreme overlords, then these Norwich hardcore book-bashers would probably soundtrack it.

Dorian Gay are a hardcore band that have digested the pages of ‘Our Band Could Be Your Life’ and shat out their own crude template of 80s raucous punk. They’ve also injected the unsophisticated humour of Jimmy Pop in their track titles which rip off various works of popular fiction. Any band that can stoop to that level of rudimentary profanity in renaming Milan Kundera’s book as (yes, I looked it up and no, never read it) ‘The Unbearable Shiteness of Being’ deserve two thumbs up. I’m intrigued as to where they’ll go next on the follow up – how about ‘A Pissage To India’? or ‘The Twatcher in the Rye’? Or my personal favourite ‘Lord of the Fucks’.

Opening track ‘The Unbearable Shiteness of Being’ starts with some spliced together spoken word segments, reciting the band’s name over and over, much like in the style of Trail of Dead’s ‘Madonna’ album. This concludes with David Brent lamenting that “it’s not gay” before launching into an actual song that’s reminiscent of choppy, Bad Religion-style punk rock and vocals that tread a thin line between the rasping shout of Rollins-era Black Flag, laced with a snotty, brattish slur of discontent.

I’m assuming it’s an indirect tribute, but the barking samples on the track ‘Dog City’ give a nod towards Pitbull-Grindcore enthusiasts, Caninus, whilst the tune chugs at a moderate, scuzzy pace, ticking all the right boxes – gang vocals, hefty breakdowns and a thrash-end section that’s cut short far too soon. ‘Your Missing Cat Is Dead’ makes up for this however; firing off breakneck fuzzed-out hardcore punk (that is reminiscent of early Dead Kennedys in places) with chaotic malice and a familiar crunching beatdown. Props for the casio-keyboard ending, which adds a touch of hilarity and off-beat campness to proceedings.

The methodical plod of ‘Bowsers Castle’ apes the giant, spiked backed lizard to a tea; staggering under a weight of its chugging, dogged determination. If the unexpected scream of “BOWSER YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAANKER” (which is something that many N64 players have shouted after being hit by the massive fuck on Mario Kart, just seconds from finishing first) doesn’t bring a smile to your face, then the guitar-scrawling scrimmage of the last 20 seconds will have you chanting your detest for the Koopa King with raucous stupidity. Vocalist Jack takes a lethargic, ‘I-could-care-less’ approach to his singing, which is all slurred splutters of inebriation. However, at several points it’s as though someone has picked him up on this and he begins to get progressively louder, angrier and clearer shouting his thoughts with all the gusto of a deranged religious street preacher.

’10 Steps To Middle Class Rebellion’ seems to point an accusing (middle) finger at the notion of scenesters adapting to whatever new trend is currently sweeping the nation and presumably being ‘fake.’ The lyrics “facial piercing and regrettable tattoos, both something unique to you/been done before, you’re not the first…middle class rebel, in 10 steps, do exactly what the song says.” The DG notion is that perhaps hardcore punk has become so formulaic now; it’s possible to create a step-by-step guide. One thing to note on this track; at the start, the vocals seem like they’re constantly playing catch-up and only tag in at the first chorus. Deliberate? Perhaps – gives the song a breathless rush of snotty adrenalin.

Props to the distorted guitars on ‘The Great Shatsby’, which whine and pitch like they’re being played near a Theremin factory. From what I can make of the lyrics, it seems to be promoting the nature and positive factors of an apathetic existence and the disillusionment with the outside world and possibly channelling elements of Minor Threat.

Wes Eisolds’ now defunct Some Girls seem to have been of some influence here; the Intro to ‘One Came Over The Cuckoos Nest’ shares many similarities to ‘Ex Nuns/Dead Dogs’ – the grinding, stuttering bass build is almost a direct copy, but manages to sound filthier and jarring. The gritty build up sees DG take a slower, more methodical approach, whilst the lyrics target what I can image is the club scene; painting the whole experience in a negative light with the words: “too many dickheads/music is shit…why did I fucking bother? Take me outside I wanna go home.”

Nowadays, hardcore bands are 10 a penny; luckily for Dorian Gay, they’re a particularly shiny penny with the kind of songs that batter home their bookstore-core racket and could well save the scene from gradually becoming like their namesakes famous portrait.

(Below are my suggestions for new Dorian Gay song titles):

’20,000 Leagues Under the Pee’
‘Lady Shatterley’s Lover’
‘Fart From The Sadding Crowd’
‘Moby’s Massive Dick’
‘The Mill On The Toss’

(I’ve had a re-think and least 3 sound like disturbing porn films I would not want to watch. Ever.)

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‘Dog City‘ can be bought here in the following totally radical formats of tape (yeah they still exist apparently) cd (soon to be phased out come 2011) and download.

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Links

Dorian Gayspace
Dorian Gay Site
What Would Henry Rollins Do?

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By Ross Macdonald

Another year, another beer festival – thank you Peterborough for a most excellent time drinking various ales that ranged from the colour and texture of tar (one of my friends stated that “drinking a half of that would take 10 years off my life”) to something that looked like it had been passed into the steel urinal trailers out back. Also, sort out the crow hats for next year – we want 2 feet on each, yeah?

Mad Mac was sent ahead as a scouting party on the Friday. I was at work/lazy/wanted to play Journey on Rock Band and didn’t accompany him. His task was to at least sit through at least 10 minutes of the 2 bands that were playing that night and provide a witty diatribe of the proceedings. His attempt at this task wavers between failure and success, much like an unpredictable seesaw. The results read as follows:

Convulsions

This four man group I heard strike up from a neighbouring tent. If I had listened to my first impressions, I would have moved away from them and coincidently - missed a treat. Of the four, three of the band members had seen a good many summers – the term old rockers seemed to fit. The lead vocalist who screamed down the mike; jerked and jumped about like a puppet worked by someone having a fit or a cat on a hot plate. On one occasion, he leaped over the speaker, over the barrier, and into the crowd much to the delight of all. A large crowd collected to watch this really good group. I did not know any of the numbers but a crowd of all ages was enjoying the spectacle. One rather long instrumental was extremely good and a few people started to dance.  The vocalist who played a variety of mouth organs, for some mysterious reason attempted to lift the keyboard he was playing, then though better of it. It must have been a bit heavy. They all played their instruments very well under the direction of the manic vocalist. I watched them for nearly an hour. They played number after number without a pause during that time. Whatever he was taking I would like some of it.

The League of Mentalmen

I did not have the opportunity to spend much time watching them. A massive crowd was spellbound at the antics of The League of Mentalmen. Dressed in skirts, Mohican headdresses made from many coloured belts, leggings and lots of hairy chubby flesh they looked amazing. They made me think of The Village People on speed. Their numbers, which included covers of rock songs given a manic twist, blasted out across the tent to the delight of all. Their outrageous costumes, prancing about like broken necked chickens and the thunderous music had the whole tent rocking.

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Links

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Intro – Ross
Words – Mad Mac